Same old...same old......

$5.ooo dollars.........Does she change your oil, and pump up your tires??

I don't know if I'd use this un........

Do you give a hoot........($2,000 dollars an hour....)

~~~

My father-in-law had passed away, and after a celebration of his full and happy life, my mother-in-law, my wife, and our two young children took the family boat out on the lake where my in-laws have had a cottage for over 50 years to spread his ashes.

wife suggested spreading his ashes in front of the cottages of friends.

My eight-year-old son said that they should spread some in front of the dam.

"Why" wife asked. "Because," Ian replied, "that was Grampa's favorite word."

~~~

Democratic Dilemma;
The Democratic Party has a crisis of monumental proportions.

They don't know whether to vote for the "Nut" with two Boobs, or the "Boob" with two Nuts.

When you post your picture on the internet watch
out for the background.....

Keep on...and your gonna break something.......

I don't give a hoot................

~~~

HOW MUCH IS A BILLION?
What's the difference between a millionaire and a billionaire?

A million seconds is 13 days.A billion seconds is 31 years!

A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.

A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.

A billion dollars ago was yesterday at the U.S. Treasury.

Two women were old friends.

They had both been married to their husbands for a long time.
As they sat in the living room one day drinking coffee, as was their custom, one of them expressed concern because she thought her husband didn't find her attractive anymore.

"As I get older he doesn't even bother to look at me!" she cried.

"I'm so sorry for you," replied the other,

"As I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day."
"Yes," the distraught woman looked up,

"but your husband's an antique car collector!"

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes $4.00.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the bartender, "If you said you paid, you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."
Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.
The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight.

Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did.

The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose."
"Don't bother me with your troubles," the final patron responds.

"Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "You're what?!?"

I must doing good.....spammers are after us......


Gotta keep him warm...........................

I'd like to do this sometimes....

Fight...fight.. I'll whip your .....................

Looks into mine eyes......sleep...sleep................

~~~

In 1946, Winston Churchill traveled to Fulton, Missouri,

to deliver a speech and to be present at the dedication of a bust in his honor.

After his speech, Churchill was approached by a rather attractive and well-endowed woman. "Mr. Churchill," she declared, "I traveled over a hundred miles this morning for the unveiling of your bust."
"Madam, I assure you," he enthusiastically replied, "in that regard I would gladly return the favor!"

~~~

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not.

~~~

Don't be discouraged if your children reject your advice.

Years later they will offer it to their own offspring.

~~~

One way today's teenagers are more safty concious than adult drivers is that they spend less time talking on cell phones while driving.

Having read of how distracting it is to have a phone conversation behind the wheel they stick strictly to text messaging.

Well, I've been trying to post for a couple hours....
Blogger is having server troubles.....

Any body want to buy a used car ??

Why do airlines say that is case of an emergency water landing,

the seat cushions can be used as a flotation device?

If we're going down, my seat cushion's going to be used as a toilet.

~~~

I sure wish It wouldn't change my words around............................

~~~

Parachuting from a helicopter over a drop zone inside Camp Dawson,

West Virginia, a lieutenant colonel from the Special Forces Group

Airborne found himself doing battle with a sudden twenty-two-knot wind,

which forced him onto a nearby golf course.

On landing, the Green Beret fumbled for the release but another gust

drove the chute and its struggling captive down the fairway,

catching the attention of three players about to tee off.

"Can we help?" shouted the golfers.

Sliding by them, the officer clung to his sense of humor as well

as his pride.

"No, thanks," he called out. "I'll just play through."

Lap dog ??

Got a peanut??

Hey...Carol, their blooming.......
A KFC delivery....................
~~~..
I just read in the news that the IRS is spending $42 million to send
a letter to every household that's getting a rebate check saying,
"We're going to send you a rebate check".
Haliburton is selling them the envelopes and stamps on a no
bid contract.
Envelopes $5 each and stamps at $2 each.

~~~ ..
I had just come out of a store when the blast of a car horn startled me.
I looked over and saw that a large chocolate lab sat in the driver's seat
of a car.
Apparently the dog had done it.
When the dog honked a second time, a woman came scurrying out
of a shop, put her hands on her hips and, to my amusement, shouted,
"I'll be there in a minute!"
Curious, I asked the woman, "Did you teach your dog to do that?"
"Yes," she answered in exasperation,
"and now he won't let me go anywhere!....

Oh...My......

Gotta go and get me a bucket of chicken.........

He's gonna get a DUI...........................

~~~

quote;

My choice early in life was to be a piano player in a whorehouse

or a politician.

And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference.

President Harry S Truman

~~~

An ardent supporter of the temperance movement,

Rutherford B. Hayes' wife (aka "Lemonade Lucy")

had liquor and tobacco banned from the the White House

during her husband's term in office.
One evening, Secretary of State William M. Evarts,

attended a formal White House dinner.

"It was a brilliant affair," he later mordantly reported.

"Water flowed like champagne."

~~~

Got a nice warm cozy place to sleep......

Peeping tom...looking in the window........................

I don't know what to say......................

Looks like behind my puter.....................

~~~

Bobbie had applied for a job, and when she returned home,

her mother asked how the interview went.

"Pretty good, I think," replied Bobbie, "but if I go to work there

I won't get a vacation until I'm married."

Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing.

"Is that what they told you?"
"No", replied Bobbie, "but right on the application it said

'vacation time may not be taken until you've had your First Anniversary.'"

~~~

Aging is when you hear "snap, crackle, pop" before you get to breakfast.

~~~

At times it appears that when all is said and done, it's politicians who say it,

and taxpayers who do it.

~~~

Bobbie saz: I have excellent sleeping habits. When the sun rises, I don't.

Your gonna have to bear with me...I post on here and it changes
everything around . So if it don't make since , It's not me..

I liked this picture......

That one sure is a big one.......

Gone to sleep...........

6:00...Feeding time........

~~~

A wife and husband both talked in their sleep.

She loved auctions; his hobby was golf.

The other night, as they slept, the golfer yelled,

"Fore!"His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter!"

~~~

*Golf Deduction*

Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York,

a priest and three other men of the cloth swapped

their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out

on the golf course.

After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked,

"You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?"
"Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied.

"How did you know?"
"Easy," said the caddy, "I've never seen such

bad golf and such clean language!"

Yep....Carol, the daffie are blooming every were.....

Woops ! We loaded the wrong shell...........

Got yah !.............

I would run too...............from the wicked witch of D.C.

Reach out and touch some one.........

~~~

The lady knocked on the door of his daughter and son-in-law's house.Her granddaughter answered the door, saying, "Hi, grandmom! Daddy saw you coming. He just said you're all he needs!"

My nephew gave up his lucrative job to become a writer. "Have you sold anything yet?" I asked him one day. "Yes" he said. "My car and my television."

True friends are like jewels, precious and rare. False ones are like autumn leaves, found everywhere.

Going to be a nice day, but we got some very bad stuff coming in.

I don't know about swimming there.... mighty close..........



Two heads better then one ?
you think he eats twice as much?

~~~
This past week President Bush and Congress allowed each one of
us would get $300.00, it was $800.00 but they dropped it to
$300.00 tax rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, most of the money will go to China ,
if we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs,
if we spend it on new computers all the money will go toIndia, or Pakistan
for tech support and none will help the American economy.
The way I see it, we need to keep that money here in America,
so the only way I can see to keep that money here at home is
drink beer or spend it on prostitution,
those are the only businesses still in the U.S.

~~~
YOU MIGHT BE A PART OF THE TALIBAN IF......
You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer....
You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher,
but you can't afford shoes....
You have more wives than teeth....
You think vests come in two styles: bulletproof and suicide....
You've ever opened a can of falafel with a mortar round....
You used a Stinger missile given to you by George Bush Sr.
to shoot at a helicopter sent by George Bush Jr....
You've ever had your camel repossessed....
You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against....
You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry
ammunition in your robe....
You've ever been asked, 'Does this burka make my ass look fat?'...
You've felt the urge to rub one out after seeing a woman's exposed ankle....
You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other
than setting off roadside bombs....
You've ever uttered the phrase, 'I love what you've done
with your cave.'...
Best of all...................................
You wipe your ass with your bare left hand, but consider bacon 'unclean.

Good morning ----all

It's starting...............................................

"Cubfoot" uses this kinda mouse..Keeps his P.C. up todate

Takin the family for a ride.........................

Mama's gotta be proud of her girls picture on the internet.. make a good christmas card..
~~~

Thoughts for Today: Walking is Man's Best Medicine.
And The two best physicians of them all .... Dr. Laughter and Dr. Sleep.

Every night, a doting father used to sing his two young sons to sleep. He would sing all the gentle lullabies that his mother used to sing to him. One day, he overheard his four-year-old son tell his three-year-old, "If you pretend that you're asleep, he'll stop."

This is what the lane is named after..........

Looks like fun................

MaMa waiting to get fed this morning........

True love............

I bet it's fast.......

A carpenter and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.
St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homes where they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.
Then St. Peter took the carpenter to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says "Here you go" and goes to leave when the carpenter says "Wait a minute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?"
St. Peter says: "Well, carpenters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before."

A guy's on the electric chair. The warden's just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, "Do you have any last requests?" The guy says, "(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?"

O.K.....I'm sorry
I'm late this morning.....went to breakfast this morning early...
Then did some shopping.This way would take what little hair I got off.....

Wannta play a song ??

Now this is a banana boat...............................

My kinda coffee. I have drank coffee like that.


~~~
One Sunday morning as The preacher administered Communion,
He laid his hand on an infant and said a blessing.
Her six-year-old brother, who had clearly been listening to his mother,
admonished him sternly,
“You shouldn’t touch the baby till you’ve washed your hands.”
~~~
The Los Angeles Times once published a Valentine's Day story on
several prominent couples, among them Arnold Schwarzenegger
and his lovely wife, Maria Shriver.
According to the story, on the very day the couple met,
Schwarzenegger told Maria's mother: "Your daughter has a great body."
Los Angeles Times media critic David Shaw -
thinking the comment 'a bit brazen, even for Schwarzenegger' -
later asked the actor whether he had actually said it.
"No," Schwarzenegger replied. "I said, 'Your daughter has a nice ass!'"
~~~
A couple of small-town Australians stop at a pub after work.
They're enjoying their pints when they notice a couple of
out-of- towners come into the bar.
Being a friendly fellow, one of the Aussies decides to go see
who these guys are.
He says "Excuse me guys. You aren't from around here,
are you?..... Where you from?"
"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," comes the reply.
The Aussie turns around and heads back to his buddy at the table.
"So? Where are they from?"
"I don't know, they don't speak any English."
~~~
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning
into the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries
to pull her inside to slaughter her,
under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square
on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl,
and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank
him endlessly.
A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker,
says: "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man
do in my whole life."
Why, it was nothing said the biker, really, the lion was behind bars.
I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.
I noticed a patch on your jacket said the journalist.
Yeah I ride with a Christian motorcycle club the biker replies.
Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist,
you know, and tomorrow papers will have this in first page.
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it
indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page:
Biker gang member assaults African immigrant and steals his lunch.