Good Morning....Friends.....Ready for a great week end?
Sunday evening rain......
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Here's a great picture of Natural Bridge....one of the great wonders....
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Wrong place ...wrong time...good shower.....
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I an't kissing old meat breath.....no way..

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Good pillow huh?...........

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Good hair piece...looks like some one I know........

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He can't believe what he's looking at.....

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Yack......I hate that.....mostly when it comes up between the toes.......

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ENO.......trying for a date.....

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♥♥♥

~~~ A few choice words were exchanged when I placed a want ad in the local newspaper.
The clerk and I quickly resolved our differences, and I thought nothing more of it until I opened the paper the next day.
There was my ad, all by itself under a brand new category.
"Help Clearly Needed."

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~~~ I purchased a new desktop-publishing program that surprised me by containing a make-a-paper-airplane option.
I decided to give it a try.
After I selected the plane I wanted, the software gave me a choice of accessories available for my plane, including a stick- up tail, adjustable flaps and an AM/FM radio.
Out of curiosity I chose the AM/FM radio.
The program responded with a message box stating: "Come on, be serious.
These are just paper airplanes."

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~~~ Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter.
At the wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper.
Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion.
But after a particularly long pause, he explained, "I'm sorry.
I can't seem to make out what I've written down."
Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is there a pharmacist in the house?"

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~~~ For several years, I had been trying to convince my wife that she should do more cardiovascular exercise.
One day, she announced that she was going golfing at our local course and that she was going to walk instead of riding in a cart.
I thought this was a good start to getting in shape and that my nagging was finally paying off. When she came back, she walked into the house moaning and groaning over how much her back and her legs hurt.
"What does that tell you?" I asked.
She replied, "It tells me I should have taken the cart!"

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~~~ A fortune hunter is a person without any dollars who is trying to find a rich spouse without any sense.

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~~~ Bobbie said; Men are like department stores.
Their clothes should always be half off.

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~~~ A busy mom made brownies for a school bake sale.
The next day she reached into the refrigerator for the pan and raced to the sale.
No one touched the pan, so she looked in it and, to her shame, saw not brownies, but steak she had left marinating in a similar pan.

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~~~ A small boy told a Sunday school teacher: "When you die, God takes care of you like your parents did whenyou were alive...only God doesn't yell at you all the time."

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~~~ Tony is having a really bad day on the golf course.
By the 14th hole, he's missed one putt too many, and he lets loose with a string of profanities, grabs his putter, and storms off toward the lake by the 15th tee."
Uh-oh," says his caddie to one of his playing partners, "There goes that club."
"You think so?" said the other golfer.
"I've got ten bucks says he misses the water."

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~~~ A mother had a job sheet for her kids taped to the refrigerator.
The children had to complete all their chores before they got their allowances.
When asked if this incentive worked, the mom said that it saved money:
She had not had to pay any allowance in weeks.

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~~~ WISDOM: Knowing what to do with what you know.

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~~~ Having driven members of the girls' volleyball team to an out-of- town game, I was waiting for my daughter's high school to reimburse me for the gas.
Days passed, until one afternoon I found shreds of paper in the washing machine after doing the laundry.
Looking closely, I saw it had been a check.
When asked, my daughter realized she'd forgotten to give it to me, and reluctantly agreed to go to the office and explain what had happened.
They issued another check, placed in a Ziploc bag with a note: “Please leave in bag when washing.”
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Todays Thought: Hipatitis: Terminal coolness....................

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Good Morning....Sorry, I'm late.... Had a couple things I needed to do.
And the Isp is slow this morning.....
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Storm clouds from yesterday......
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Nice rocker.....huh!....

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A blue button jellyfish..... I an't swimming with him!

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A babby just rolling around....

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Wanna go swimming?.....just a wee bit crowed, Huh!

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Bobbie....the baby's hungry.....get the milk ready........

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My buddy "Pete" out side my window.., has fleas.......loves dry cat food...

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Yea.....

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♥♥♥

~~~ You're in a room with no doors and no windows, and all you have is a baseball bat.
How do you get out?
Strike 1! Strike 2! Strike 3! You're out!

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~~~ You know you are getting old when your broad mind and narrow waist have exchanged places.

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~~~ A lovely young couple is doing some shopping in town.
Having purchased everything they need, they return to the parking lot to drive home.
Where's the car?..... Good golly, someone has stolen it!
They notify the police from a phone booth inside the mall and make a report at the Police station.
A young detective drives them back to see if any evidence remains from the scene of the crime. But, what do you know, there is the stolen car, back in the exact spot!
A note is on the windshield with two tickets to a concert attached.
The note thanks the young couple for the use of their car, but the culprit's wife was about to give birth and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The young couple's faith in humanity is restored and they go to the concert and have a wonderful time.
They arrive home late that night to find their entire house robbed, with a note on the door reading, "Well, I gotta put the kid through college, don't I?"

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~~~ A young minister, in his first days at his first parish, is obliged to conduct the funeral services for an eccentric man who has just died.
At the funeral home, he stands before the open casket and tries to think of words to console the widow.
Finally, the minister says, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Jones.
But we must remember that what we see here is only the husk, the shell.....
The nut has gone to heaven."

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~~~ As three-year-old Kathy and her parents were leaving the church service, the pastor shook the little girl's hand and said, "It was so nice to see you in church this morning."
Just then Kathy noticed a young woman wearing a leopard print blouse.
She pointed and exclaimed loudly, "Hey, Daddy!.
That lady's shirt matches your underpants."

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~~~ To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.

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~~~ Over heard on a morning radio talk show:
DJ #1: A local hospital plays the Brahm's Lullaby each time a baby is born.
DJ #2: Well do they play anything when an individual dies?
DJ #1: I don't know........ Maybe "Th-th-th-that's all folks!"

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~~~ CAT PRAYERNow I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I'll always stay real cool, And keep the secret feline rule.
To NEVER tell a human that...The world is really ruled by CATS!

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~~~ Sherry announced to her family, "Tomorrow morning I'm going to make an old-fashioned breakfast with eggs, ham, biscuits and home fries."
Three-year-old Wyatt groaned, "But, Mommy, you know I don't like eggs."
Sherry then reminded Wyatt of all the food the little boy liked that contained eggs.
The next morning, when Wyatt walked into the kitchen, Sherry said, "Since you are here first, you can decide for the family.
How do you want me to cook the eggs?"
Wyatt answered, "In chocolate cake, please."

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~~~ The manager of a jewelry store nabs a shoplifter trying to steal a necklace.
"Listen," the crook says, "you don't want any trouble, and neither do I.
What do you say I just buy the necklace and we forget this ever happened?"
The manager agrees and writes up a sales slip.
"You know," says the crook, "this is more than I wanted to spend.
Got anything less expensive?"

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~~~ Do for others with no desire of returned favor.
We all should plant some trees we'll never sit under.

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~~~ A mother cat was teaching her kitten cat lore.
She explained that this was the duty of all mother cats since before recorded history and it was important that her kitten would not do anything to embarrass her when she allowed her master to play with her.
At the end of the lesson, after she had gone over all the cat rules such as ignoring anything the human might say, she asked her kitten if there was question she might want to ask.
The kitten said, "Momma, you have given me all the situations a cat might get into and the proper cat-responses but, what should I do if a new situation comes up that you haven't covered?"
Momma cat responded, "Oh my gosh! I'm SO glad you asked that.
I've gotten into so many rules that I forgot the most important first rule!
"Kitten asked: "What is that, Momma?"
Momma drew up and looked kitten right in the eye and said: "When in doubt...wash!"

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~~~ A five-year-old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma.
Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?"
The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail."

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~~~ A police officer noticed my friend carrying her screaming daughter out of a shopping mall one day.
Apparently concerned for the child, he asked, "Is that your daughter?"
My friend's answer left no doubt as to the child's identity.
In exasperation she replied, "If she wasn't mine, I wouldn't be taking her home!"
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Todays Thought; "People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life."
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Good Morning....friends and readers....were ever you may be....
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As you can tell....I like old buildings......I think about the people that
lived there....and the times they had.....
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Up in the Blue Ridge......

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Well, she don't have a parking problem........
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I guess the deer runs them down....and the dog takes them down...

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Who needs a pickup??

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A building in London.......cool.......

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Never trust chicks with guns.....mean bunch.........

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♥♥♥

~~~ The art of taxation consists of plucking the goose to obtain the largest possible amount of feathers with the smallest possible amount of hissing.

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~~~ I was browsing in Wal-Mart when the man next to me struck up a conversation.
Just as he was telling me that his wife was getting carried away with her shopping, a brief power shortage caused the lights to flicker overhead."
Ah," he sighed, "that must be her checking out now."

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~~~ The problem with sneezing these days is that my bladder thinks it needs to be involved.

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~~~ Church Notice Bloopers:
Ms. Bobbie Mac sang..... "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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~~~ Which windshield wiper blade always quits first?
That's right... the driver's side.
This happened to me one day while driving home in the middle of a blinding storm.
Unable to see, I pulled over and tried to figure out a quick fix.
I found it in a yellow cotton work glove lying on the floor.
I wedged the cloth hand under the wiper arm.
It did a great job keeping my windshield clear.
Not only that...you'd be surprised at how many people waved back.

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~~~ Tony said his golf round was lousy and he only hit two good balls all day.
I said "better than none'.
He countered that this was when he stood on the Groundsman's rake. (ouch)

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~~~ Gus: I know someone who is so dumb, he lost $20 betting on a football game.
Pete: What's so dumb about that?
Gus: Well, he lost $10 betting on the play--and the other $10 on the instant replay.

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~~~ Pete: What would you say if I told you that I had a bright idea?
Gus: Nothing...... I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

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~~~ I was on a panel for prospective jury duty.
The first lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating showman.
When he came to his question, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?"
Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do."

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~~~ Man is an animal who laughs with amused condescension at the very idea of eyelash combs and then spends ten minutes trying to coax a couple of wisps of hair across a bald spot.

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~~~ Phil takes his visiting country cousin to dinner at a posh restaurant.
They walk in, are ushered to a table by a formally dressed maître d', and seated at a table set with the finest china and crystal.
The cousin takes the damask napkin from the solid silver napkin ring, unfolds it, puts it around his neck and proceeds to tie a knot in the back.
The maître d’ stares at him for a moment, then says between gritted teeth, “Sir, will you be having a shave or a haircut?”

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~~~ During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?"
The hubby replied, "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
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Todays Thought; Osteopornosis:.... A degenerate disease.

Good Morning...Everyone....Having a good day??
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The sun rises above the earth on last Friday as seen from the International Space Station...
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Ain't he cool............

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Good thing he don't bite.............................
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He's tired.....

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No.....No.... the Bud's for me......

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Their scared.......

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Watch out....he's bad to the bone.......

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Now that's scary..........

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♥♥♥

~~~ A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's yard.
The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt.
The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor?
That old mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her.
Would you do it for me?"
The hunter said, "Sure," and headed for the car.
While walking back, however, he decided to pull a trick on his hunting buddies.
He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said OK, he said "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson."
With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and blasted the mule.
As he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!" a second shot rang out from the passenger side. And, one of his hunting buddies shouted, "I got the cow!"

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~~~ TOP REASONS FOR JOINING THE CHURCH CHOIR;
1. You're running out of clean clothes and the robe saves on laundry.
2. The church is usually crowded and you want to make sure you always have a seat.
3. You've just been selected for jury duty and you want to get use to sitting with a large group of people.
4. The collection plate is never passed to the choir.
5. There's a clock in the back of the church and you want to know when one hour has passed.
6. For years you have wanted to know who sits in the back of the church but were afraid to turn around and look.
7. You've been known to nod off during the service and don't want the minister/priest to catch you.
8. The chairs for the choir are padded and are the most comfortable chairs in the church.

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~~~ PATIENT: Will you treat me?
DOCTOR: Absolutely not! You'll have to pay like everyone else.

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~~~ A good marriage is like a casserole: only those involved actually know what goes into it.

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~~~ Three cowboys are about to be strung up for cattle rustling.
The lynch mob takes them to a tree at the edge of the Rio Grande.
They put the first cowboy in a noose, but he's so sweaty that he slips out, falls into the river and swims to freedom.
So they tie the noose around the second cowboy's neck.
He, too, slips out of the rope, drops into the river and gets away.
It's the third man's turn.
He looks at the mob and says,..... "Could y'all do me a favor?
Tighten that noose a bit, I can't swim."

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~~~ A golfer, playing a round by himeself, is about to tee off,when a salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"
The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"
"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman.
"You can never lose it!"
"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it?
What if you hit it into the water?"
"No problem," says the salesman."
It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."
"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"
"Easy," says the salesman.
"It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."
"Okay," says the golfer, impressed.
"But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"
"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark!.... I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"
The golfer buys it at once.
"Just one question," he says to the salesman.
"Where did you get it?"
"I found it."

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~~~ QUESTION: What do you call a trombonist with a beeper and a cell telephone?
ANSWER: A optimist.

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~~~ As the teleconference with our London branch concluded, my British colleague suggested that we continue our meeting the next day.
"Sorry", I said..... "tomorrow's July 4th, and the office will be closed."
"Ah yes, Independence Day," he said..... "Or as we refer to it over here, Thanksgiving."

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~~~ After his shower, ten-year-old Rick came downstairs and announced that he had washed his hair and body with the new shampoo I'd bought.
When I asked him why he'd done that, he replied, "Because the bottle said full body!"

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~~~ Bobbie: People say you're so conceited you write letters to yourself.
Gus: Dear me...
Bobbie: Yes, that's how they begin.

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~~~ They've stopped teaching Latin in schools, so how come they haven't stopped putting Roman numerals on Super Bowls?
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Todays Thought: Flattery is telling others exactly what they think of themselves.
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Good Morning...friends, and all other readers....
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Too much breakfast??..............he looks stuffed....
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A winning dog??

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Cooling off with the pigs......

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Roof leak??....

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They thought this was a funny blog.......

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He's hungry....wants food.....

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They were the largest trees......Wow!

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He's just hanging on........

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This is the 5 legged dog in the news......

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♥♥♥

~~~ Phil's hair kept falling out and he complained to his barber.
"That stuff you gave me," he cried, "is terrible!
You said two bottles of it would make my hair grow, but nothing's happened."
"I don't understand it," said the barber......
"That's the best hair restorer made."
"Well," said Phil, "I don't mind *drinking* another bottle, but it had better work!"

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~~~ REASONS NOT TO TRAIN A DOG:
1. Like to see the paw prints on my visitors clothes..
2. The house is too orderly..
3. Love the sound of barking in the morning, noon, afternoon, evening, and night..
4. Want the Vet to get a new BMW..
5. Garden and backyard need renovation, don't want to pay a gardener..
6. Furniture looks too nice..
7. Neighbors don't complain enough..

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~~~ Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said.
"Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting?"
He does wonderful tricks....
He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through."
The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling over.
Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through -- and over the balcony railing.
Just then Paul's date walked out.
"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?"
"To tell the truth, " he replied, "Rollo seemed a little depressed to me!"

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~~~ Q: What American city has been judged as being the most humorless?
A: Hallmark Cards says that El Paso, Texas, is the city with the worst sense of humor.
They base that on polls in which very few people there said they considered themselves funny. The city also has a very low sales of Hallmark's humorous cards.

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~~~ "The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have."

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~~~ Back when I was working as a graphic designer, I often grabbed lunch at a Chinese restaurant.
I'll never forget a bit of wisdom from a fortune cookie I received one day.
"In case of fire, keep calm, pay bill, then run!"

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~~~ I just got my bill for my stay in the hospital.
Now I know why surgeons wear masks.

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~~~ In August 2004, fifty English soccer fans on their way home over Caerphilly Mountain after watching Cardiff play Coventry were stranded for several hours...because they were too heavy for their bus to climb a steep mountain road.
"I didn't think we were that heavy," one passenger said, "although we do like the pies they sell at the match...

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~~~ Two old ladies sat on a bench talking.
One said to the other, "Good heavens!
Who did your hair?.... It looks like a wig!"
The second lady replied, "It is a wig."
"Really?" exclaimed the first lady, "You could never tell!"

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~~~ Snowboarding is an activity that is popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

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~~~ Church members are either pillars or caterpillars...the pillars hold up the church, and the caterpillars just crawl in and out.

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~~~ Ree bought a bottle of Fountain of Youth.
She turns to her husband, and says, "I can't get the childproof cap off."
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Todays Thought; "If you want to know how old a woman is...ask her sister-in-law."

Which brings to mind, another one......Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm..
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Good Morning...friends.... woke up early....
Not a fun day.......
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Weird........
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Cute......
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Hitch hikers??

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Party hard, did ya?
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I don't know....................................

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That's nice......

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Can alwas play the game.....

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Now this is a weird picture.....

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~~~ A third-grade teacher was instructing her students in some of the wonders of nature and ended by saying, "Isn't it wonderful how baby chickens get out of their shells?"
An eight-year-old, showing more curiosity than the rest said, "What gets me is how they got in."

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~~~ A man listens to his son yelling at his mother.
After they finish fighting and make up the man calls his son and says: "Take this hammer and drive this nail into that piece of wood".
Afterwards the father tells him to pull out the nail.
Than the father said: "When you fight with your mother, you drive a nail through her heart.
But look at how when you are forgiven and you take out the nail, the hole stays."

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~~~ A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: Assume you drive your car at light speed. What happens when you turn on the front lights?

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~~~ A New York family bought a ranch out West where they intended to raise cattle.
Friends visited and asked if the ranch had a name.
"Well," said the would-be cattleman, "I wanted to name it the Bar-J.
My wife favored Suzy-Q, one son like the Flying-W, and the other wanted the Lazy-Y.
So we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y."
"But where are all your cattle?" the friends asked.
"None survived the branding."

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~~~ Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," he explained...
"It took us awhile to find a new pilot."

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~~~ A visitor to a movie studio was impressed with the skill and courage of the stunt man plunging over a cliff, doing handstands on an airplane wing.
"How does he survive it?" the visitor marveled.
"I don't know," answered the guide....."They get a different guy every stunt."

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~~~ Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints.
I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband.
When I showed him the photos, his face lit up.
"Wow, look at that!" he said with appreciation.... "It's my old Plymouth!"

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~~~ What's a crick? The sound a Japanese camera makes.

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~~~ While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy for everyone to admire.
She also brought along her 7-year-old son.
While we gathered around the baby, the little boy asked, "Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?"
"What do you say?" she asked.Quickly, the boy replied, "You're thin and beautiful.
"The woman reached in her purse and gave her son the money.

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~~~ "Don't let anybody walk through your mind with dirty feet." (Gandhi)

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~~~ Nobody ever calls you up to tell you something good you did when you were drunk. Nobody's ever said, "Gus, you got ripped last night and painted the orphanage."

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Todays Thought: Eat and drink with your relatives; do business with strangers.
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