.
The sun rises above the earth on last Friday as seen from the International Space Station....
Ain't he cool............
Good thing he don't bite..............................
He's tired.....
.
No.....No.... the Bud's for me......
.
Their scared.......
.
Watch out....he's bad to the bone.......
.
Now that's scary..........
.
♥♥♥
~~~ A carload of hunters, looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's yard.
The driver went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt.
The old farmer said, "Sure you can hunt, but would you do me a favor?
That old mule standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her.
Would you do it for me?"
The hunter said, "Sure," and headed for the car.
While walking back, however, he decided to pull a trick on his hunting buddies.
He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said OK, he said "No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old cuss a lesson."
With that, he rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and blasted the mule.
As he exclaimed, "There, that will teach him!" a second shot rang out from the passenger side. And, one of his hunting buddies shouted, "I got the cow!"
.
~~~ TOP REASONS FOR JOINING THE CHURCH CHOIR;
1. You're running out of clean clothes and the robe saves on laundry.
2. The church is usually crowded and you want to make sure you always have a seat.
3. You've just been selected for jury duty and you want to get use to sitting with a large group of people.
4. The collection plate is never passed to the choir.
5. There's a clock in the back of the church and you want to know when one hour has passed.
6. For years you have wanted to know who sits in the back of the church but were afraid to turn around and look.
7. You've been known to nod off during the service and don't want the minister/priest to catch you.
8. The chairs for the choir are padded and are the most comfortable chairs in the church.
.
~~~ PATIENT: Will you treat me?
DOCTOR: Absolutely not! You'll have to pay like everyone else.
.
~~~ A good marriage is like a casserole: only those involved actually know what goes into it.
.
~~~ Three cowboys are about to be strung up for cattle rustling.
The lynch mob takes them to a tree at the edge of the Rio Grande.
They put the first cowboy in a noose, but he's so sweaty that he slips out, falls into the river and swims to freedom.
So they tie the noose around the second cowboy's neck.
He, too, slips out of the rope, drops into the river and gets away.
It's the third man's turn.
He looks at the mob and says,..... "Could y'all do me a favor?
Tighten that noose a bit, I can't swim."
.
~~~ A golfer, playing a round by himeself, is about to tee off,when a salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"
The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"
"It's a special golf ball," says the salesman.
"You can never lose it!"
"Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it?
What if you hit it into the water?"
"No problem," says the salesman."
It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."
"Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"
"Easy," says the salesman.
"It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."
"Okay," says the golfer, impressed.
"But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"
"No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark!.... I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"
The golfer buys it at once.
"Just one question," he says to the salesman.
"Where did you get it?"
"I found it."
.
~~~ QUESTION: What do you call a trombonist with a beeper and a cell telephone?
ANSWER: A optimist.
.
~~~ As the teleconference with our London branch concluded, my British colleague suggested that we continue our meeting the next day.
"Sorry", I said..... "tomorrow's July 4th, and the office will be closed."
"Ah yes, Independence Day," he said..... "Or as we refer to it over here, Thanksgiving."
.
~~~ After his shower, ten-year-old Rick came downstairs and announced that he had washed his hair and body with the new shampoo I'd bought.
When I asked him why he'd done that, he replied, "Because the bottle said full body!"
.
~~~ Bobbie: People say you're so conceited you write letters to yourself.
Gus: Dear me...
Bobbie: Yes, that's how they begin.
.
~~~ They've stopped teaching Latin in schools, so how come they haven't stopped putting Roman numerals on Super Bowls?
.
.
Todays Thought: Flattery is telling others exactly what they think of themselves.
.
No comments:
Post a Comment