Good Morning.... nice day so far....but rain coming........
I got the "Hump day" blues.... I need a trip..........
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Sunrise, this morning..............
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Damn......he thought I was homely........

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Oh, Yea, She's looking for breakfast......maybe that baby..↓

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She's showing us her baby.......cute?

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I don't know if I would try to give him a bath.... Scratch time!!

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In the right neighborhood, these miniature Jersey cows could live in your backyard and supply you with about 1 1/2 gallons of fresh milk per day.

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What Happens in Oak Ridge, Stays in Oak Ridge: World War II-era billboard at the Oak Ridge Facility, part of the Manhattan Project.

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Give me a nut or I'll poop on your shoe.........

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Love birds......?

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♥♥♥

~~~ Six-year-old son, Willie, was thrilled when the tooth fairy left him a dollar.
In the morning, as Willie got ready for school, he tucked the bill in his pocket.
Afraid he might lose it, I suggested he leave the money at home.
" I have to take it with me," Willie insisted.
"Some of my friends don't have enough money to buy chocolate milk."
Those kids sure have a terrific friend.
And Willie has one proud Mom.

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~~~ A priest put up a signboard outside his church saying, "I pray for all."
A lawyer passing by wrote underneath,
"I plead for all."
" I prescribe for all," scribbled a doctor."
And I pay for all!" added a citizen.

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~~~ As a nurse in a maternity unit, I've had to answer all kinds of questions from patients and their families.
I couldn't help but notice that one expectant father seemed particularly interested in the electronic fetal monitor.
"Would it hurt anything if I just turned this dial up and down from time to time?" he asked. "No," I answered, "but why would you want to do that?"
Smiling wistfully, the dad explained, "I know from experience it's the only time in a child's life I'll be able to control the volume."

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~~~ What Dad says: "Don't forget to call your mother because she worries about you."
What Dad means: "I'm a nervous wreck when you drive at night, so call as soon as you get there."

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~~~ I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses.

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~~~ Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.
Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother's delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.
A short time later, I was stopped by another trooper.
"What have I done?" I asked.
"Nothing," the trooper said, smiling.
"I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies."

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~~~ Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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~~~ My father had our two excitable dogs in the car.
Struggling to keep his eyes on the road, Dad yelled at them to behave as they jumped from seat to seat.
When Charcoal, our black Lab, leaped into the front seat, she landed on the car phone's "Send" button, automatically dialing the last person Dad had called.
Arriving home, Dad received a call from a customer he'd spoken to earlier in the day....
Okay, Ed!" exclaimed the man.... "I'll sit! I'll stay!"

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~~~ The cost for attending this week's "Fasting and Prayer" conference includes meals.

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~~~ QUESTION: How do you scare a man?
ANSWER: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

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~~~ The auto auction I attended was selling cars to benefit charity.
Vehicles were classified as either "Running" or "No Start."
On the block was a No Starter.
It had a shattered windshield, two missing tires, a sagging front bumper, a cockeyed grille, a hood that was sprung up at an angle, and dings and dents all over the body.
Before he started the bidding, the auctioneer announced the car's year, make and model, and then read the owner's comments: "Please note...the radio does not work."

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~~~ Pete: I just flew in from Japan.
Gus: Gee, your arms must be tired.

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Todays Thought: "No matter how far we travel, the memories will follow in the baggage car."

Good Morning....Well, we got another hot one...
Rain the rest of the week......
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What can I say?.........
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Three-year-old chocolate labrador Lawrence tries a new range of luxury ice cream which has been developed just for dogs.................

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Yah....thats a pretty baby, Mom...................

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Yep, brush your teeth.........

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Clinging on for dear life this poor baby elephant was eventually rescued after spending three hours trapped down a manhole in Thailand...

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fact; these dogs live in the Philippines, and were born without front legs.....

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This rose was dyed using hypodermic needles inserted in the stem as it grew......

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♥♥♥

The nursing student, on her first rotation in the ICU, had to give a patient a full bed bath.
She had never given one before and was terribly nervous about it.
To make matters worse, the patient was a gentleman in his late sixties who had been admitted after a heart attack.
As se nervously set her equipment up, she confessed to the patient that she had never given a full bed bath before.
"I'll tell you what," he said, "how about if you wash as far down as possible, and as far up as possible, and then I'll wash possible?"

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~~~ Gus; “Last week a grain of sand got in my wife’s eye.
We had to go to a doctor...... It cost me $200.”
Pete; “That’s nothing.
Last week a fur coat got in my wife’s eye and it cost me $5,000.”

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~~~ Grandma was making her very first flight aboard a plane from L.A. to New York.
They had only been in the air for a few minutes when she complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping.
The girl smiled and gave her some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort.
When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess.
"The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me this...how do I get it out of my ears?"

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~~~ Henpecked husband over the phone: “Doctor, my wife just dislocated her jaw.
If you are in the neighbourhood sometimes next week, could you pop over and see her?”

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~~~ After passing his driver's test, my grandson was asked to sign up to be an organ donor. Unsure, he turned to his father and asked, "Will it affect my football playing?"

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~~~ While I was paying for my items in a local store, the man behind me laid his purchases on the counter.
Among them was a large, flowery birthday card with "To my wonderful wife" printed on the front.
The clerk said, "You've chosen our biggest and prettiest card."
The man nodded sadly and replied, "One day late."

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~~~ OFFICE SIGN;"In case of fire, leave the building with the same reckless abandon that you do at quitting time."

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~~~ While leading activities for seniors at a nursing home, I asked my group to complete well-known phrases.
For example, I would prompt them with, "Better safe" to which they would respond, "Than sorry."
The game proceeded as expected until I got to the phrase "Make love, not war."
I had barely gotten out the first two words when a ninety-year-old man shouted from the back, "while you can"

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~~~~ I think the dilemma of being a thirteen-year girl is best summed up by a book I've heard about, titled something like... "I hate you and I wish You Would Die, but First Can You Drive Me to the Mall?"

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~~~ I returned from Russia after living there nearly two years.
My sister decided to surprise me by creating "welcome home" signs in Russian.
She went to a website that offered translations and typed in "Welcome Home, Cole."
She then printed the translated phrase onto about 20 coloured cardboard signs.
When I got off the plane, the first thing I saw was my family excitedly waving posters printed with a strange message.
My sister gave me a big hug, and pointed proudly to her creations.
"Isn't that great?" she said....... "Bet you didn't think I knew any Russian."
I admitted that I was indeed surprised and so was she when I told her what the signs actually said: "Translation not found."

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~~~ "Always remember, money isn't everything...but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense."
or: Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible.

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~~~ The church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money to pay their expenses for a special trip.
They made a large sign, 'CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP', and on the given Saturday business was very good.
But by two o'clock the skies clouded and the rain poured and there were hardly any customers.
Finally, one of the girl washers had an idea.
She printed a very large poster which said, 'WE WASH (then an arrow pointing skyward)...GOD RINSES'.Business boomed!

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~~~ Rushing to get ready for work in the morning, Fran said to her sixteen-year old son Drake, "When you come home from school, put the casserole in at 350 so it's ready by the time I get back."
He said, "I can't do that, Mom."
She asked. "Why not?"
Drake replied, "I won't be home until 4:30."

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~~~ Yogi Berra, famous baseball catcher, was notorious for swinging at bad pitching.
One day he reached for three wild ones in succession and struck out.
Muttering in disbelief, he mumbled to nobody in particular, "How does a pitcher like that ever stay in the league?"

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~~~ CATS ARE WONDERFUL FRIENDS...
Gentle eyes that see so much,
paws that have the quiet touch,
Purrs to signal "all is well"and show,
more love than words could tell.
Graceful movements touched with pride,
a calming presence by our side.
A friendship that takes time to grow.
Small wonder why we love them so.
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Todays Thought; Is your prayer well done or rare?
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Good "Hot" Morning.....Everyone have a great weekend?
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Carol sent this picture of the fires in B.C. Canada....they need rain.....
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He's checking us out.......He's thinking...what ugly critters....

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Cute but mean.........

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These are cute.............................

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She's got her tounge out....saying na, na, ne na na......

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What can I say??

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One day old, baby

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Does not like to be handled, and will scratch and bite......

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Love!!...................

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♥♥♥

~~~ If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.
- George Orwell -

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~~~ Gus: My uncle can shoot a gun faster than any man in the West.
He can even shoot without taking his gun out of its holster.
Pete: What do you call your uncle?
Gus: "Toeless Joe."

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~~~ The master class has always declared the wars; the subject class has always fought the battles.
They have always taught you that it is your patriotic duty to go to war and slaughter yourselves at their command.

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~~~ Two old guys were chatting..... One said to the other: "My 70th birthday was yesterday. The wife gave me an SUV".
Other guy responded: "Wow, that's amazing!!..... Imagine, an SUV!!.. What a great gift!"
First guy: "Yup !!.... Socks, Underwear and Viagra!"

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~~~ A man on the witness stand testified, "Look man, it happened like this..."
The judge slammed the gavel.
"You will address the court as Your Honor!"
"Do you mean to say," the witness asked, puzzled, "that you aren't a lawyer?"

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~~~ The most interesting item in the newspaper is the one somebody cuts out before you see it.

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~~~ About flying and airplanes:You've never been lost until you are lost at Mach 3.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire.
When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
Mankind has a perfect record in aviation.
We never left one up there.
The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world. It can just barely kill you.
Never fly in the same cockpit wth someone braver than you.
Basic flying rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air.
Do not go near the edge of it.
The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space.
It is much more difficult to fly there.

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~~~ Carol: Did you notice that I dropped some weight this summer?
Rae: From the look of your knees, you didn't drop it far enough.

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~~~ Although I was only a few pounds overweight, my wife was harping on me to diet.
One evening we took a brisk walk downtown, and I surprised her by jumping over a parking meter, leapfrog style.
Pleased with myself, I said, "How many fat men do you know who can do that?"
"One," she retorted.

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~~~ "He is so romantic........ Every time he speaks to me he starts by saying 'Fair Lady'."
"Romantic my foot!........ He used to be a bus driver...."

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~~~ Is this a healthy place?” asked a visitor in search of a spa. “
It sure is..... When I first came here, I couldn’t speak, I had hardly any hair on my head, I could not walk and had to be lifted from place to place.”
“That’s wonderful......... How long have you been here?”
“I was born here.”

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~~~ Sherry told me; I was about to leave the house on an errand, and my husband was getting ready for a dental appointment.
"I wish we could trade places," I said, knowing how much he dreaded the coming ordeal.
He watched as I gathered our newborn onto my left arm and picked up a package with that hand.
I flung a diaper bag and my purse over my right shoulder, grabbed our two-year-old with my free hand and wrestled the car keys from him.
My husband shook his head.
"No, thanks," he said. "
At least where I'm going they give you anesthesia."
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~~~ Faced with economic pressures, many commercial offices are cutting back on costs wherever possible, in an attempt to remain profitable.
At one particular office, employees are taking management's belt- tightening orders seriously:
"I'm taking two cups of coffee instead of five a day from the office kitchen", said one of the workers."
"I'm taking home only half the office supplies I used to", one worker noted.
"I'm using one roll of toilet paper instead of two rolls a day", said the other who mentioned that he used to spend two hours in the office toilet a day."

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~~~ A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire.
The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer.
"I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused...... "How do you start a flood?" he asked.

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Todays thought: A fool and his money never become old acquaintances. (Charlie Chan)
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Good Morning,... Everyone....ready for a really hot day?
Going to be hottest we've had, in the next couple days....
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Someone is going to be in a heap of trouble......... WOW! Daddy......
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Oh...Oh he said he's gonna hide........

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"Katie"....shes 17 years old.....still going strong.......

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I don't know about him....think he could be mean??

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I think he really wants whats in there really bad........

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Pencil neck.............................

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Thats what I think too.........................

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Break time?....all ready.........

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This one just got back from "Dumpster diving"..... got some good eating.......

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♥♥♥

~~~ A terrible thing happened to me last week.
I tried to live within my means and was picked up for vagrancy.

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~~~ Calling for information about one of my credit cards, I got the following recorded prompt: "Please enter your account number as it appears on your card or statement."
I did as instructed, and the system said.
Please enter your postal code.
"After I put that in...... I got a third message, If you would like your information in English, press one."

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~~~ September is the month when millions of bright, shining, happy faces look forward to the start of school, and they all belong to mothers!

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~~~ Professor Richard Wiseman and the British Association for the Advancement of Science (University of Hertfordshire) set out to find the funniest jokes from around the world.
Three year study concluded...jokes are funniest at 6.03 in the evening, and least funny at 1.30 in the morning.
Professor Wiseman recorded the date that each person visited 'LaughLab'.
There were huge differences in how funny people found jokes at different times during the month.
People found them funniest on the 15th of the month, and less funny towards the end or start of the month.
So, if you want to make people laugh, tell them jokes on the 15th of the month, at 6.03 in the evening.

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~~~ Phil: “Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum.”
Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

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~~~ My daughter was out in the kitchen with my two grandsons after just finishing lunch and the salt and pepper shakers were still on the table.
The five-year-old got the Play-Doh out and he and his three-year- old brother were making things with it.
The five-year-old decided he would make a dog out of the Play- Doh.
His mother said that would be nice and told him to do the best he could.
A short time later she heard him proudly proclaiming.....
"Great! I can even use pepper for the fleas!"

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~~~ Martin was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten.
His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning.
It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked, "doesn't it look like an artist painted this scenery?
Did you know God painted this just for you?"
Martin said, "Yes, God did it and He did it left handed."
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked him,"What makes you say God did this with his left hand?"
"Well," said Martin, "we learned at Sunday School last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand!"

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~~~ The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up.
Everybody...... but one girl laughed uproariously.
"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss.
"Haven't you got a sense of humour?"
"I don't have to laugh," she replied....... "I'm leaving Friday."

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~~~ We were bounding along, said a recent traveler on a local South African single-line railway, at the rate of about seven miles an hour, and the whole train was shaking terribly.
I expected every moment to see my bones protruding through my skin.
Passengers were rolling from one end of the car to the other.
I held on firmly to the arms of the seat.
Presently we settled down a bit quieter; at least.
I could keep my hat on, and my teeth didn't chatter.
There was a quiet looking man opposite me.
I looked up with a ghastly smile, wishing to appear cheerful, and said:"We are going a bit smoother, I see."
"Yes," he said, "we're off the track now."

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~~~ Whenever I see a man with a beard, a mustache, and glasses, I think, there's a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him.

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~~~ 80 year old man - O.K.Doc... Give me the bad news first....
Doc.- "You have emphysema, and will die a miserable death"
80 yr- After that there's good news???
Doc. Yea, you have alzheimer's, so you won't remember....

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~~~ A seminar on Time Travel................. will be held two weeks ago.
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Todays Thought: Although at the moment they may be the same in their lack of a real answer, the man who replies, "I'll find out," is much more valuable to his employer, his neighbor, and himself than the man who replies, "I don't know."

Good Morning.....Well, the weekend is here and it's gonna be hot..hot.
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Some cool lookin mushrooms growing beside the Lane...
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A cutie.......

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How about this guy?.....A nice lookin buddy for someone.....

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He's watching the dog..........

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Ha--Ha......

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Another Ha...Ha....

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A great one..........

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Wow, he's a big one.......

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♥♥♥

~~~ Judge to policeman: “ But if a man is on his knees in the middle of the road, does that prove him drunk?”
Policeman: “ No, Your Honour, but this one was trying to roll up the white line.”

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~~~ My grandparents, who are real do-it-your-selfers, were sprucing up their basement.
They picked out bright purple carpeting and then spread it over our lawn in order to measure and cut it.
The neighbors watched curiously.
After a while, the teenage daughter of one neighbor spoke up.
"Our family has taken a vote," she said.
"I've been elected to tell you that if we have any voice in this, we would prefer you leave your lawn the color it is."

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~~~ Cop to drunk: “Say fellow, do you know who I am?”
Drunk: “Can’t shay I do, but tell me where you live and I’ll help you home.”

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~~~ We were staying at a country resort and became friendly with the handyman.
"My neighbor has a nice little cottage for sale, case you're interested," he told us.
Despite its run-down appearance, we fell in love with the place and bought it "as is."
The day we moved in, our new friend dropped by.
"You got a good buy, " he admitted.
"Cottage needs some work though.
Roof leaks, plumbing's shot and the well runs dry in the summer."
Dismayed, I retorted, "Why didn't you tell us that before we bought it?"
"Weren't neighbors then," he replied.

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~~~ When intoxicated, a French man wants to dance, a German wants to sing, a Spaniard wants to gamble, an Englishman wants to eat, an Italian wants to boast, a Russian wants to be affectionate, an Irishman wants to fight and an American wants to make a speech.

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~~~ A rancher walked up to the window at the post office, where a new clerk was sorting mail.
"Any mail for Mike Howe?" the rancher asked.
The clerk ignored him and the rancher repeated his question in a louder voice.
Without looking up, the clerk said, "No, none for your cow, and none for your horse, either."

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~~~ A country boy was driving his girlfriend past a funfair, and the smell of fresh popcorn filled the air.
“My! Ain’t that nice?” asked the girl.
“Ain’t what nice?”
“Why the popcorn...... It smells awfully good!”
“Yes, you are right.
I’ll just drive a little closer so you can get a better smell.”

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~~~ I was driving around and around a parking garage in search of an available space...... Nothing.....
Then I noticed a couple walking ahead of me.
"Going out?" I called to them hopefully.
"No," said the man.
"Just friends."

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~~~ Johnny saw a peacock in all its splendor for the first time.
He ran to his farmer host and said: “Come quick.
One of your chickens is in full bloom!”

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~~~ There was a preacher who was going to give a sermon, but he forgot what he was going to preach about.
He thought that if he said: 'Lookout here I come', that his sermon would come back to him.
So he said it, and nothing happened.
He said it again even louder and nothing happened.
He said it a third time only he jumped and said it really loud.
When he jumped, he tripped over a step and fell into the lap of a lady in the front row.
When he tried to apologize the lady said, "Oh don't worry, it was nothing, you told me three times that you were coming."

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~~~ If we had no faults of our own, we would not take so much pleasure in noticing those of others.

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~~~ A mother is talking to her son regarding his homework.
He replies, "If I do my homework, I'll get good grades.
If I get good grades, you'll send me to college.
If I go to college, I'll graduate and get a job.
If I get a job, I might get fired. If I get fired, I could go bankrupt and lose everything.
That's why I didn't do my homework!"

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~~~ Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
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Todays Thought: A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click...
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Good Morning....Friends...Ready for a very hot weekend?
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How about these markings.......cool huh?
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A hot Tomato....................?

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The guineafowl puffer, from the Pacific Ocean. When fully expanded, it can reach 50 cm in length ...

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Who knew you could do so much with butter.

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Cool picture..............................

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Walking in the woods, you wouldn't see him.........

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This is a cool guy.......

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Poor Eno....... Oh, I know someone who plays golf like this......

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♥♥♥

~~~ "Dirty hands, iced tea, garden fragrances thick in the air and a blanket of color before me, who could ask for more?"

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~~~ A couple are touring a historic graveyard when they spot a tombstone that reads "Here lies a politician and an honest man."
man says to the woman, "Look honey, there's two people in that grave."

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~~~ President Obama is going to take a vacation at Martha’s Vineyard.
They’ve rented a beach house.
Nothing says vacation like two weeks on an island with your mother-in-law.

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~~~ When a fellow piano tuner was ill, I took over his assignment of tuning a piano in a girls' boarding house.
While I was at work, several of the girls strolled casually through the room in various states of undress.
The climax came when a young lady in startling deshabille appeared to pay the bill.
As I was writing the receipt, she suddenly gave me a bewildered look, then fled, screaming. "That's not our regular man!"
Their regular man is blind.

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~~~ Learning to use a voice-recognition computer program, I was excited about the prospect of finally being able to write more accurately than I type.
First I read out loud to the computer for about an hour to train it to my voice, then I opened a clean page and dictated a nursery rhyme to see the magic.
The computer recorded: "Murry fed a little clam, its fleas was bright and slow."

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~~~ Isn't it strange that a group of very intelligent individuals combined into a political party become collectively stupid?

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~~~ Resumes received by the company where I work are often attached as files to e-mail letters of application.
The sender of one obviously wasn't aware that the name of the file shows up in the message. The name for his cover letter was a heartwarming "suck- up.txt."

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~~~ When he received a journal as a birthday gift, my twelve-year-old son was mystified.
"Dad, what am I supposed to do with this?....... The pages are blank."
"You write down interesting stuff that happens to you," I said.
"So it's like a blog...on paper."

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~~~ My wife and her friend Karen were talking about their labour- saving devices as they pulled into our driveway.
Karen said, "I love my new garage-door opener."
"I love mine too," my wife replied, and honked the horn three times.
That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage..

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~~~ As we moved some patio stones in the backyard, we uneartheda nest of ants.
Our youngest son, Roy, was fascinated with the thousands of ants scurrying madly around.
After watching for a few minutes, he glanced up.......
"It looks just like recess."

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~~~ After my office computer was upgraded, it began spontaneouslyturning itself off.
I harassed the IT department with so many phone calls that they finally sent someone to check it out, but nothing was found to be wrong.
"What exactly is happening?" he asked.
"Well," I said, "Whenever I go for a coffee, everything shuts down.
It's like this." I stretched, pushed back from my desk and got up.
On cue, my PC turned off.
The techie reached under my desk and moved the power bar-away from my feet.

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~~~ Just before the procession began at a wedding my in-laws attended, a young child sitting near them asked his mother, “When is the persecution going to start?”

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~~~ After a two-week vacation, a man returned to his office and one of his fellow workers asked him what kind of time he'd had.
"I spent the whole two weeks helping my wife paint the rooms in our house," he groaned."
Does she do that often?"
"Well," he replied, "when we moved in a few years ago, the guest room was nine by twelve......... Now it's eight by eleven!"

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~~~ My friend Diane, a busy mother of five boys, frequently did maintenance jobs on her house.
One day, after hours on a ladder painting the upper windows, she complained to her husband that she'd felt dizzy.
For her next birthday she received some scaffolding.
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Todays Thought; Hot glass looks same as cold glass. (Law of Burnt Fingers)
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