Good morning....Everyone...

Well we got relieve from the hot hot days,

at least for a few days..

Might even get some rain.....

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Whoops....there goes breakfast.....

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I'm not gonna get any Apples thats gonna bite me back...

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Their looking for breakfast........

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He's enjoying his coke......

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Hey-hey...there's more cokes in the fridge.....

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I guess he's thirsty...

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He's got a nice pillow?

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I don't think so...The door is open...

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A head butt...?

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A redneck custom pick up truck....

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~~ I was sound asleep when the telephone jarred me awake.

"Hi!" It was my special lady Bobbie.
She proceeded to rattle on about the busy day she had ahead
and all the things that awaited her the rest of the week.
"Bobbie," I interrupted. "It's five in the morning."
"Really? What are you doing up so early?"

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~~ WHEN TO FART:

1. Bosses office as you are about to leave. - best to make sure it's silent but violent.
2. In a bathroom.
3. In the cashiers line - it's bound to speed things up.
4. The empty elevator before you get off.
5. Beside an occupied dressing room - no doubt it'll quickly become unnocupied.
6. Your co-workers cubicle at the office.
7. When deep sea diving.
8. Back seat of the Police Mobile after being arrested.
9. In your car if you've been carjacked.
10. During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors.

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~~ A census taker in a rural area went up to a farm house and knocked... when a woman came to the door,
he asked her how many children she had, and their ages.
She said, " Les' see now, there's the twins,
Margie and Mikey, they're five.
There's the twins Sam and Pam, they're three.
And the twins, Sissy and Missy, they're two."
"Hold on, hold on," said the census taker, "Did you get twins every time?"
The woman answered, "Shucks no, there was hunnerts of times we didn't get nothin'!"

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~~ What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck....

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~~ My girlfriend wanted me to meet her folks, to which I hesitantly agreed.
"My mother has a great sense of humor," I was told.
"You'll get along just fine."
We met her parents at a local restaurant, and right away her mom launched into a string of jokes.
I began telling anecdotes, and soon all four of us were laughing hysterically.
After several minutes passed, my girlfriend noticed that there was no one seated in our area.
"Maybe we're being too loud," she said.
"Nonsense," I said, "the waitress is probably asking customers if they'd like to be seated in
'Joking' or 'Non-joking'!!"

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~~ What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!

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~~ What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck....

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~~ There were three blondes driving down a hill.
Suddenly the girl driving realized that her brakes were gone.
They all started screaming and telling themselves they were going to die.
Then one girl noticed a sign.
She Said, "Oh! Don't worry there's a stop sign down there!"

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~~ A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide.
On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been traveling in circles.
''We're lost!'' One of the hikers complained.
''And you said you were the best guide in the United States.''
''I am,'' the guide answered, '' but I think we may have wandered into Canada.''


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~~  On a billboard ad for a safe company:
"If your stuff is stolen, it's not our vault."

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~~ A priest, who was a good friend of the family,
agreed to help celebrate a special Mass for my parents 50th anniversary.
While he was going over the service, he asked my mother,
"Are you planning to renew your vows?"
"Why?" Mom asked. "Have they expired?"

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~~ There were three blondes driving down a hill.
Suddenly the girl driving realized that her brakes were gone.
They all started screaming and telling themselves they were going to die.
Then one girl noticed a sign.
She Said, "Oh! Don't worry there's a stop sign down there!"

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~~ A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide.
On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been traveling in circles.
''We're lost!'' One of the hikers complained.
''And you said you were the best guide in the United States.''
''I am,'' the guide answered, ''
but I think we may have wandered into Canada.''

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~~ On a billboard ad for a safe company:
"If your stuff is stolen, it's not our vault."

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~~ A priest, who was a good friend of the family,
agreed to help celebrate a special Mass for my parents 50th anniversary.
While he was going over the service, he asked my mother,
"Are you planning to renew your vows?"
"Why?" Mom asked. "Have they expired?"
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Todays Thought:  "Lots of people talk to animals....

Not very many listen, though.... That's the problem."

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Good Morning, Friends and other readers....
Well, another very hot day......
Carol-- send some cool weather down here....
Or Taz could send some rain........
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Granny, you had enough....

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Boo, wants food not drinks.......

Looks like he's gonna have to hunt up some critters......

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Better surved warm.....

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Now the birds are begging.....

He guys their hungry.......

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Escaped from KFC at the last moment......

Any body got an extra shirt?

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Cute picture......

I wouldn't argue with her.....

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And I wanted the Mayberry convention......

Wanted to see my friend Andy.....

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Wow what a tat......

But not for me.......

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These people can't learn other people to drive.....

Just look at the car....

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Whoa, I guess I gotta leave now.....

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♥♥♥

~~ The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race.

He turned on the jockey.
"Tommy, could you not have raced faster?"
"Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."

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~~ I am completely convinced that there is no other life in the universe.
If there were other beings they would appear on my teenage daughter's phone bill.

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~~ Our friend tells everyone that he began losing his hair while serving in Vietnam.
His granddaughter incorporated that information into her grade school history report on the war.
She wrote, "My Grandpa went to Vietnam and got his hair shot off."

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~~ A friend said:I don't want to brag or make anybody jealous,
but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

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~~ We decided to sell our house so we put up "For Sale By Owner" signs on two trees in our front yard.
Before long, the doorbell rang.
"How much are you asking for the trees?" a young man asked.

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~~ The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent;
the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult;
the day he forgives himself he becomes wise.

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~~ I quit my job at the helium gas factory.
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.


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~~ The Chief were on his submarine trying in vain to hook up some fire hoses.
The wrenches he had didn't fit the connections, so he  resorted to banging away at the hoses to make things fit.
Just then an ensign walked by.
"Chief," he yelled out, "I have a book on tools you can borrow."
"Get it!" shouted the chief.
"It's got to be heavier than this wrench I'm using."

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~~ The good part of old timers disease is-you can have an affair with your own wife and not know it.

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~~ One overcast evening I passed the principal of our local high school who was out looking for his missing Lassie look-alike.
He told me the dog often ran away, so he had put a metal tag on its collar asking that anyone finding the dog send it home in a taxi.
A few days later I again met the principal, and he told me that as he was trudging home during a downpour that night,
his snug and dry dog had passed him in a taxi.

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~~ Q: Luke had it first, Paul had it last; boys never had it...
girls have it but once...
Miss Amy Solly had it twice in the same place, but when she married Mr. Peter Jones she never had it again.
What is it?

A: The letter L.
 
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Todays thoughts:  "We're all kissed by angels but some of us never think to pucker."
 
 
 

Good Morning, Friends.......
Can you believe....82º degrees this morning at 4:00?
Supposed to be in the 100's today...
The hummers slow down in the hot weather..
they stay in the shade purched in the trees.
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Sunrise....Yesterday, too early yet for todays...

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Wake up....time for breakfast.......

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I'm not getting out of my warm bed...

I'll eat later......

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I'll have fish this morning.....

care to join me?

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Spike sez; He all ready had his steak this morning...

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Yeh...he took your pizza pie and ate it...

Look at his tummy.......

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Can't see this guys tummy.....

No, the Rastafarian movement isn't recruiting animals --

this donkey is actually naturally dreadlocked.
Her name is Lambada, and she's one of the incredibly rare Baudet de Poitou donkeys of Poitou-Charente, France.
With between 600 and 1,000 left in the world, the Poitou are rarer than pandas and white rhinos
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BTW, I found out who had the keys and who was driving when it went in the ditch.......LMAO

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What....no body told me there was pizza....

That's okay...every monkey has his day.....

I'll get even....

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♥♥♥

~~ Dick Cheney is recovering from heart surgery in the hospital.

I understand Fox sent flowers, and MSNBC sent a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.

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~~ Pete was telling me.....I have a bad habit of losing my keys, so I now have them
tied to a long rawhide string that I hang from my belt.
One day I walked into Walmart with the keys in my hand and the string dangling to the ground.
"I hate to tell you this," said a woman, "but you've lost your dog."

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~~ Dr. Hey is known throughout Virginia as one of the best consultants on arthritis.
He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment.
One day Barbara, an elderly lady, slowly struggles into his waiting room.
She is completely bent over and leans heavily on her walking stick.
A chair is found for her.
Eventually, her turn comes to go into Dr. Hey's office.
Fifteen minutes later, to everyone's surprise,
she comes briskly out of his room, walking almost upright.
She is holding her head high and has a smile on her face.
A woman in the waiting room says to Barbara.
"It's unbelievable, a miracle even.
You walk in bent in half and now you walk out erect.
What a fantastic doctor he is.
Tell me, what did Dr. Hey do to you?"
"Miracle, shmiracle," says Barbara,
"he just gave me a longer walking stick."

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~~ A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother,
"Who's this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curl hair?"
"That's your father."
"Then who the hell is that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?"

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~~ My 13-year-old daughter asked me, "Dad, do you have a baby picture of yourself?
I need it for a school project."
I gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was.
A few days later I was in her classroom for a parent-teacher meeting when I noticed my face pinned to a mural the students had created.
The title of their project was: "The oldest thing in my house."

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~~ "I hope you're not one of those boys who sits and watches the school clock," said the principal to a new boy.
"No, Sir. I've got a digital watch that bleeps at three-fifteen."

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~~ An executive finished his career talk at a college.
"Does anyone have any questions?"
A student asked, "To what do you attribute your success?"
"There are two rules for success in any organization.
Rule number one: never reveal everything you know.
Any other questions?"

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~~ Definition of a Gynecologist:
Someone who looks for problems where others look for leasure!!!

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~~ some Cannibal one liners....
did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the forest?....
or the cannibal detective who grilled the main suspects?......
or the cannibal wedding guest who toasted the bride and groom?

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~~ This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play.

He earned a part and went home to tell his father.
His father was really proud of him.
So his father asks what part did you get?
He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.
His father congratulated him.
And then he said "Thats good son, maybe next time you'll get a talking role!"

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~~ At the DMV, a teenager had just driven an almost perfect test.
"He made his only mistake when he stopped to let me out of the car." stated the examiner.
The boy exclaimed, after breathing a sigh of relief.
"I'm sure glad I don't have to drive that well all the time."

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Todays thought:  A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

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Good Morning, Friends and neighbors....

Well, we are into a heat spell, 90-100º  degrees

for the next couple days...

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Breakfast?? are you kidding me.....

Had one heart attack, don't want another....

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Feed the baby!....he's hungry......

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Give the Lion a Massage.... not me.....

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He's just hanging around........

Party on, Dude...

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Nice place for a dump....

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Not me....

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That would cause a stir......

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That seal gets around, don't he.... he's a bomber.......

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You know I believe this!

Weird...

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Nice way to retire and get even......

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♥♥♥

~~ New Rule in Air Traveling.......

Air fee: "In the unlikely event of loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down.
To start the flow of oxygen, simply insert your credit card."

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~~ A blonde asked a man what time it was, and he told her it was 4:45.
The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

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~~ Safety is a major concern at the company where I work.
So I'm constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise.
"Does anyone know," I asked a few guys, "what the speed limit is in our parking lot?"
The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up. "That depends.
Do you mean coming to work or leaving.......

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~~ Former Pittsburgh Pirates' slugger Ralph Kiner was telling his broadcasting buddy, Lindsey Nelson, about his wife, the former tennis star Nancy Chaffee.
"When I married Nancy, I vowed I'd beat her at tennis someday.
After six months, she beat me 6-2.
After a year, she beat me 6-4.
After we were married a year and a half,
I pushed her to 7-5.
Then it happened she had a bad day and I had a good one, and I beat her 17-15."
"Good for you, Ralph," exclaimed Lindsey.
"Was she sick?" "Of course not!" Kiner snapped indignantly.
"But she was eight months pregnant."

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~~ Mother: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
Son: I don't know. The dentist kept it.

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~~ Grandpa's Poem
I finally met the perfect girl
I couldn't ask for more
She's blind and deaf and dumb as a rock
And owns a liquor store ....

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~~ Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on?
Because it said, "Sorry, try again."

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~~ Two guys from New York City were in heaven for about a year.
One was a preacher, the other a taxi driver.
One day the Lord was making his rounds when the preacher asked Him if He had a minute.
"Sure" said the Lord. What's the problem?"
"Well" said the former parson, "I'm not very happy here in heaven"
"Why not?" asked the Lord.
"Well, I don't like to complain Sir but that taxi driver is getting better treatment than me and I don't think that's right since I preached your word on earth very faithfully for 52 years"
"Well son," said the Lord, "truth is, when you were doing your work, most folks were sleeping.
But you know when that man did his job, they were praying!"

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~~ A girl says to her boyfriend, One kiss and Ill be yours forever.
The guy says thanks for the warning....

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~~ When I worked in my school library, a very confused guy asked me for help.
"The computer just started typing in Latin.
I can't understand it," he said.
It turns out he was typing in italics.

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Todays Thought: " Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,but by the moments that take our breath away "

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Good Morning, friends and neighbors....
and that guy over the mountain.......
Happy Birthday this week? (39 and holding?)
We had some rain from a storm,
but not enough to do any good...
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Well, the hummers were going at it hot and heavy.

They are fighting over the feeders.

It's dangerous to set on the deck....

They whiz by your head...

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This guy partied to much again....

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This one must have a cold.......

calling for a cough drop......

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Yeh, your mothers fat.....and your Daddy is ugly...

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This is the uglies Sponge Bob.........

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What in the heck is that? ^^^

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I'm sorry..... Sponge Bob is scary!

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Wow, talk about taking your life in your hands...

I'll leave on this one.....

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♥♥♥

~~ Apple will now offer a free iPhone case for all iPhone users.

It’s not going to help reception, but it protects the iPhone after you throw it against the wall.

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~~ Pete is from the old school, where you keep your money under the mattress—only he kept his in the underwear drawer.
One day Shelly bought dad an unusual personal safe—a can of spray paint with a false bottom—so he could keep his money in the workshop.
Later she asked her Mom if he was using it.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "he put his money in it the same day."
"No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!"...I gloated.
"They won't have to," her mom replied.
"He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer."

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~~ Gus and Pete were gazing at the window of a wig shop in which were displayed two small identical wigs on their stands.
"They're alike as toupees in a pod." sez Pete!"

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~~ Husband: I never see you overreact when we get into arguments. How do you do it?
Wife: I clean the toilet.
Husband: (laughs) You clean the toilet? how does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush....

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~~ I had just about decided to buy the television set whose attributes the young salesman had been extolling.
He concluded by saying it carried only a one-year warranty but that I could buy a five-year warranty at an additional cost.
I won’t buy anything that doesn’t carry a five-year warranty and so turned to leave.
The salesman asked me to please stay while he consulted with his boss.
"By the way," he continued, "may I ask how old you are?"
"seventy five," I replied.
He returned a moment later smiling.
"We’ll give you a lifetime warranty."

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~~ A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a beer and a mop.

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~~ One doctor to another: "It's called an experimental drug because they don't know
whether they'll make a bundle on it yet."

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~~ Taz did you hear about the blond chicken farmer?
They all died when she planted them.

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~~ At a dinner party, a shy young fellow kept trying to think of something nice to say to the hostess,
who was sitting beside him.
At last he saw his chance when the lovely hostess turned
to him and said "What a small appetite you seem to have, Mr. Brown."
Sitting next to you," he remarked, "would cause anybody to lose his appetite."

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~~ How do you drown a blond?
Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool. ( Taz likes blond jokes..)

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Todays Thought;  "if your vision is for a year, plant wheat.

If your vision is for ten years, plant trees.
If your vision is for a lifetime, plant people."
- Chinese Proverb

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