Good Morning.....friends.....How's everbody this morning?...

Get well, "Witchy"......missing you......

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Field of cows next to Hummingbird lane.....

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Little deer in my friends yard..........

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Soft drinks will rust your pipes..........

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Swiss Tank.......?

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Have a light beer?

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What this was??..........

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I don't know how safe that can be........

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Wow....don't get too close...............

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Damn....these drivers need wings..........

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♥♥♥

~~ Day after day I read or hear about vast numbers of

cases of sexual child abuse.

Nothing like that ever happened to me as a kid.

I'm beginning to wonder - was I really that ugly?

.

~~ The phone rang.

It was a saleswoman from a mortgage refinance company.

"Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"

"No," I replied.

"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"

"I really don't have any," I said.

"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" she tried.

"I don't need any....... I just recently had some done and paid cash,"

I parried.

There was a brief silence, and then she asked,

"Are you looking for a wife?"

.

~~ A young married woman was discussing her sex life

with a girl friend.

The girl friend asked, "Do you talk to your husband when

you're making love?"

The young married woman considered the question a

moment and then said, "No, but I could if I wanted to.

I have his office phone number!"

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~~ At a large zoo where animals are kept in open compounds

so that visitors can mingle with the beasts,

a woman tickles a kangaroo.

The kangaroo jumps once and takes off at eighty miles an hour.

The keeper comes over and asks the lady, "What happened?"

The lady says, "I tickled that kangaroo and it took off."

The keeper says, "You better tickle me in the same place,

lady because I have to catch it!"

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~~ Tired of conflicting views from economists,

President Harry S. Truman expressed his frustration and joked,

"All my economists say, 'on one hand...on the other.'

Give me a one-handed economist!"

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~~ A woman calls an agency and asks,

"Do you have a baby-sitter who knows the martial arts?"

The lady from the agency asks, "Is your child that rough?"

The woman answers, "The kid's a pussycat.

The sitter will have to know some martial arts later,

when my husband drives her home!"

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~~ I like to aggravate barbers.

When one shows me my finished haircut in the mirror

and asks, "Do you like it?"

I always answer, "No, a little longer in the back!"

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~~ Once a notoriously tough businessman told Mark Twain,

"Before I die I mean to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land.

I will climb Mount Sinai and read the Ten Commandments

aloud at the top."

Disgusted, Twain replied, "I have a better idea.

You could stay at home in Boston and keep them."

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~~ There was a husband and his wife Suzzy, sitting next to a drunk

in a bar.

Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL"

and farts loudly.....

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks

at the drunk and says, "Excuse me,

you just farted before my Suzzy."

The drunks replies, " I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

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~~ The mother and father had just given their teenage

daughter family-car privileges.

On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get

the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.

At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen,

and her father asked her,

"Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"

"Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.

Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one,

I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper

under the front tire of the car."

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~~ Eight-year-old Anita brought her report card home from school.

Her marks were good... mostly A's and a couple of B's.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom:

"Anita is a smart little girl, but she has one fault......

She talks too much in school."

I have an idea I am going to try,

which I think may break her of the habit."

Anita's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:

"Please let me know if your idea works on Anita because

I would like to try it out on her mother."

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~~ QUESTION for Suzzy.....

How do sport players stay cool in a game?

ANSWER: They stay in front of some fans.

.

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Todays Thought: All the world's a stage and I missed rehearsal.

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Good Morning.....friends.......
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This Mornings Sunrise......... Calling for showers today...
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She's trying to give us a lick........
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Another licker......

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What's with all these lickers?? we must taste sweet?

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Now a biter........

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A walker? Good eating.......

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Bear with a pickle ?.....

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Okay....time to ride off into the sunset.....

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♥♥♥

~~~ Bobbie wasn't taking any chances.
Prior to her operation, she taped notes to her body for the surgeon:
"Take your time,"...
"Don't cut yourself,"...
"No need to rush," ...
"Wash your hands."...
After surgery, as she was helped back into her bed,
she discovered a new note taped to her.
It was from the doctor, "Has anyone seen my wristwatch?"

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~~~ I tried my hand at golf....
That day I played golf, I was three over.
One over a patio, one over a house, and one over a swimming pool.

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~~~ "Have you ever met a man whose touch makes you tremble?"
"Yes."
"Wow,...... who was he?"
"A dentist."

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~~~ Seen in the parking lot of a brand new department store,
painted on the ground at a crosswalk in letters 4 feet tall:
YELD....
Close, but not close enough.
The next week I drove through the same parking lot and found it was
changed.
They had painted an I between the existing letters.
Now it read YEILD.
About two months later they finally fixed it.
The old lettering was painted over with black and freshly painted on top
of that was the word STOP.

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~~~ There was a politician who refused to listen to his conscience.
He didn't want to take advice from a total stranger.

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~~~ After she divorced actor Louis Calhern, actress/writer Ilka Chase
found a box of her old calling cards engraved "Mrs Louis Calhern."
No longer needing them, she immediately sent them to Calhern's new wife,
Julia Holt.
"Dear Julia," Chase wrote cattily, "I hope these reach you in time."

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~~~ After years of being blasted into a net,
the human cannonball went to the circus owner and told him he was
going to retire.
"But you can't!" Shouted the cigar-chomping boss.
"Where am I going to find a man of your caliber?"

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~~~ Stormy weather diverted our Dallas-bound flight to another airport.
As we approached the runway, the pilot came on the intercom:
"For those of you who are not familiar with the area,
this is Lubbock, Texas."
Then he paused. "And for those of you who are familiar with this area,
I think this is Lubbock, Texas."

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~~~ "My friend wanted a boat more than anything.
His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway.
'I'll tell you what,' he told her.
'In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?'
Being a good sport, she accepted.
And when her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage,
this is the name he saw painted on the side: For Sale. "

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~~~ While on duty as a nurse in the obstetrics department at the hospital,
I was checking a young mother-to-be.
"Is this your first baby?" I asked her.
"Yes," she answered calmly.
"Are you having any contractions or pressure?" I continued.
"No," she stated.
"Are you having any discomfort?"
Again the response was no.
Laying my equipment aside, I said,
"Honey, may I ask you why you're here?"
"Today is my due date!" she replied happily.

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~~~ During the debate, a candidate was asked by a lady to name three
mistakes he's made.
The candidate responded, "This debate, the last debate and the next debate."

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~~~ While I was driving through a seedy area of San Diego,
I noticed that sandwiched between a strip bar and a liquor store sat a
storefront with all the windows suspiciously blacked out.
Over the door was a sign that proudly declared, "Welcome to Kinko's.
We have nothing to do with office supplies."

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~~~ A new study from the Centers for Disease Control says that tripping
over your pets causes over 86,000 serious injuries each year.
Worse...only 30 percent of those make it to YouTube.

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~~~ "What kind of idiot do you think I am?"
"I don't know........ What other kind are there?"
.
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Todays Thought: Money is always there, but the pockets change.
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Well, did everyone have a great Holiday?
We did out best..... Good Morning, everyone.
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She's letting you know, she did.......
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He thought that was funny.....He's giving us his horse laff..
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The three stooges?...

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He don't know what's going on......

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Time to hang up the clothes to dry........

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Man eater?.......

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Feeding her youngans.......

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Is this a love bite ??...

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Kind of awkward, riding with a bum leg........

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♥♥♥

~~~ In order to alleviate some of her concerns before the flight,
Jess had told his daughter Hannah, six what to expect on her first airplane
ride, including the effects of the pressurized cabin.
She handled the flight well, but as the plane descended on its final approach,
Hannah complained that she couldn't hear very well.
Jess told her to yawn, which she did.
Suddenly she beamed and said in wonder,
"Daddy, when I opened my mouth, my ears turned on!"

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~~~ James and his four-year-old son Anthony saw a huge chicken at
the petting zoo.
The boy was impressed with the size of the chicken and said,
"He must be the daddy because he's the biggest."
James agreed, adding, "Yeah, and he pecks a lot, too."
As they walked away from the area, Anthony saw a little girl about his age.
He pointed to the big chicken and warned, "Watch out......
There's a really big pecker in there."

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~~~ If people listened to themselves, they would shut up.....

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~~~ Donna was an organist.
She related a story to us about a previous wedding in which she and
her husband Burk were participating, with her on organ and him singing.
During rehearsal the audio man at the church asked them to sing and
play so that he could adjust volumes.
They did not have the wedding music with them,
so they began to perform one of the hymns they had practiced for church
the previous week, "He Touched Me."
Just as they started, the preacher walked in and stopped, looking very
surprised.
He had never, ever heard that song chosen for a wedding before.
The opening line of the hymn: "Shackled by a heavy burden..."

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~~~ One day, the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold
short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed.
The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the
Cherokee.
Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
"What a cute little plane.
Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a
real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts.
Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for a second one."

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~~~ TEACHER: Michael, why are you late for school?
MICHAEL: Well, teacher, I was dreaming about a football game,
and it went into extra time--so I had to see the finish.

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~~~ COACH: Are you hurt?
FOOTBALL PLAYER (moaning): I think so.
Better call me a doctor.
COACH: Okay, you're a doctor.

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~~~ I'm a traveling salesman and the lenghthy trips I make can be
very lonely.
When my five-year-old daughter, Jenny gave me a little stuffed penguin
with a hand-painted sign that said, "I love my Dad!"
I started carrying it everywhere.
Through the years, that penguin traveled hundreds of thousands of miles.
Once, at JFK airport in New York, a customs inspector pulled it out of my
suitcase and summed up its meaning:
"That's about the most valuable thing I've seen in all my years on
the job," he said.
Thank God we don't charge tax on love."

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~~~ Women put a lot of thought into what their butts look like.......
Men aren't even aware of the fact that they have a butt until it starts itching.

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~~~ A little boy was brought into our emergency room after ingesting
part of a plug-in air freshener.
After consulting Poison Control and monitoring him, the doctor wrote
on his discharge, "Patient doing well.
Ready to go home.......... Smells good."

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~~~ QUESTION: How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
ANSWER: She cooks I eat, she cleans I dirty, she irons I wrinkle.....

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~~~ Teacher: "Johnny, you talk a lot !"
Johnny: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Johnny: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher"
Teacher: "What about your mother?"
Johnny: "She's a woman..."
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Todays thought: An apple a day keeps the doctor away--if it's aimed right.

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Good Morning.....Friends! Enjoying the Holiday?
Nice cook out yesterday.......Missed "Witchy" though.....
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Wonder how long that pop will last??
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I don't have any idea what's going on?

Maybe just likes to play with it's tail......

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Skinny looking Ass........
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Reaching for that greener on the other side.......

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Pretty picture.......

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Yep....this is true......Right on..............................

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Gotta study my book........

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He's keeping cool......and relaxing too......

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Well, time to leave.....pick you up in a wee bit "Witchy"...

If I can get it to run......

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♥♥♥

~~~ What's the most famous coffee in Afghanistan?
Osama bin Latte .....

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~~~ Did you know they are taking out all the K-Marts in Afghanistan?
They are putting in TARGETS!!!...

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~~~ At the salon, I overheard the receptionist admit to another customer,
"I haven't taken my vitamins today, I'm walking around unprotected.
"The customer commiserated with her.
"I haven't taken my Prozac today, everyone's walking around unprotected."
~~~ In lectures on human genetics, I explained to my college students that males determine the sex of the offspring by contributing either an X or a Y chromosome.
So at the end of the year, I put it on the final exam:
"How is the sex of the child determined?" One student wrote, "By examining it at birth."

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~~~ The tourist in London climbed into a cab and noticed by the license that his cab driver's name was Winston Churchill.
Trying to make conversation, he said, "I see your name is Winston Churchill.
"The driver simply said, "Right....... That's my moniker.
"The passenger, not willing to give up yet on some banter, said,
"That's a pretty famous name."
The driver responded, "As well it should be, too.
I've been driving a cab here for over forty years."

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~~~ Gus: I just had my appendix removed.
Pete: Have a scar?
Gus: No, thanks, I don't smoke.

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~~~ MURPHY'S LAW ON WORK....."A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants."

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~~~ A man had trouble with his English, so his friend taught him how to say, "Apple pie and coffee," so when on the job, he could order some food at the local restaurant during his lunch hour.
This was fine with our man, and he was grateful to his friend, but after several months he wanted a little more variety in his fare.
His friend was glad to oblige and taught him how to say, "Turkey and cheese sandwich.
"The man proudly walked into the restaurant the next day and said to the waitress, "Turkey and cheese sandwich.
"To which the waitress responded, "White, whole wheat, or rye?"
With shoulders sagging and the smile gone from his face, he answered back, "Apple pie and coffee."

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~~~ Q: What did the pickle say at a poker game?A: Dill me in.

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~~~ Bobbie went to a pet shop and asked for a bird that could sing.
The proprietor brought out a gorgeous tropical bird, looked the bird in the eye, puckered his lips and started to whistle.
The bird took up the very note and finished the tune with him.
"That's mighty fine," Bobbie said, "but I'd never pay money for that bird....
His right leg's crippled."
"I thought you wanted me to sing!" cried the bird................
"I gotta dance, too?"
.
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Today's thought: As I get older and stiffer of knee,
I feel that the hardest thing to raise in the garden is me.

Good Morning......Friends......Looks to be a good day.....
Blogspot was slow this morning.. had a hard time posting pictures..
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This mornings sunrise..posted for a friend in W-boro that can't wake
up early enough to see it...... Sleepy head!
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Seniors Biker bar..... Make mine a Maalox with a twist of lime,

tall, please!

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Suzzie feeding one of her critters.......
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I-pod.........

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Now here's a happy dog............look at that smile....

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Yep! HE HAS FEETS........and a big tail.....

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I don't know what to say about this picture.....

Just Married....now get to plowing the field?

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What a weird (Car)? Lots of dead spots.....I don't know

if I'd want to drive it....

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Yep....You gotta watch them.......

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I used to be scared of these Garden spiders....

they looked mean and big.......

.

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♥♥♥

~~~ People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them
that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

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~~~ Composer Wolfgang Mozart was trying to help a music student who
asked the master how to write a symphony.
Mozart suggested that at such a young age, the student should concentrate
on writing shorter compositions first.
"But you composed symphonies when you were only ten,"
the student argued.
"True," Mozard said, "but I didn't have to ask how."

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~~~ Who are the five most constipated men in the Old Testament?
1) Cain wasn't Abel.
2) Moses went up onto the mountain and took two tablets.
3) King David sat on the throne for forty years.
4) Solomon - neither heaven nor Earth could move him.
5) Noah was at sea for forty days and forty nights and all he passed
was water.

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~~~ When you want your boyfriend to play with you,
wear a full-length black nightgown with buttons all over it.
Sure it's uncomfortable.
But it makes you look just like his remote control.

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~~~ It was anniversary time, a zillion years since heaven had been
placed in the sky.
To celebrate, Saint Peter wanted to have a big party,
with the honored guests being Adam and Eve.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy traffic over the eons,
Saint Peter had lost track of Adam and Eve.
One angel volunteered to find them..
He returned in two minutes with Eden's former residents.
Saint Peter asked....... "How did you find them?"
The angel said, "I looked for a couple without bellybuttons!"

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~~~ There was a tailor who took out an ad in the Yellow Pages that
read, "I'll cut for you, I'll sew for you, I'll even dye for you."

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~~~ Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's
reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven."
"I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him.
"What is your first name?"
"It's Stephen," he replied.
"I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph."

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~~~ At re-enactment, I portrayed a French cavalry officer.
When a lady asked how old I was, I replied that I was born in
September 1769.
"Oh," she said, "That's why you smell of mothballs."

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~~~ Knowing that my fiancé's mother is an avid bird-watcher,
I planned an intimate get-to-know-you picnic for the three of us at
Dream Canyon in Colorado.
I'd heard a rumor that nude sunbathers sometimes frequented the place,
but having been there twice and never seen one,
I tagged the location as safe.
Fifteen minutes into our picnic, our idyllic spot was overrun with nude
men.
Aghast, we ate quickly, and then I ushered my future mother-in- law
toward the exit.
On our way out, I spotted a native bird in a tree and said, "Look, Mom,
it's a Colorado downy woodpecker."
She replied, "Well, we've seen a lot of native Colorado peckers today,
haven't we?"


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~~~ I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and
ordered coffee.
I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could
drink the cool coffee quickly.
At the window, there was a delay.
Finally, the clerk came to the window looking frustrated, and
announced, "I'm having a problem....... The ice keeps melting."
.
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Todays Thought: "You are living proof that wisdom doesn't come with age."