Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning.....friends.....How's everbody this morning?...

Get well, "Witchy"......missing you......

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Field of cows next to Hummingbird lane.....

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Little deer in my friends yard..........

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Soft drinks will rust your pipes..........

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Swiss Tank.......?

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Have a light beer?

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What this was??..........

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I don't know how safe that can be........

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Wow....don't get too close...............

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Damn....these drivers need wings..........

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♥♥♥

~~ Day after day I read or hear about vast numbers of

cases of sexual child abuse.

Nothing like that ever happened to me as a kid.

I'm beginning to wonder - was I really that ugly?

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~~ The phone rang.

It was a saleswoman from a mortgage refinance company.

"Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"

"No," I replied.

"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"

"I really don't have any," I said.

"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" she tried.

"I don't need any....... I just recently had some done and paid cash,"

I parried.

There was a brief silence, and then she asked,

"Are you looking for a wife?"

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~~ A young married woman was discussing her sex life

with a girl friend.

The girl friend asked, "Do you talk to your husband when

you're making love?"

The young married woman considered the question a

moment and then said, "No, but I could if I wanted to.

I have his office phone number!"

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~~ At a large zoo where animals are kept in open compounds

so that visitors can mingle with the beasts,

a woman tickles a kangaroo.

The kangaroo jumps once and takes off at eighty miles an hour.

The keeper comes over and asks the lady, "What happened?"

The lady says, "I tickled that kangaroo and it took off."

The keeper says, "You better tickle me in the same place,

lady because I have to catch it!"

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~~ Tired of conflicting views from economists,

President Harry S. Truman expressed his frustration and joked,

"All my economists say, 'on one hand...on the other.'

Give me a one-handed economist!"

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~~ A woman calls an agency and asks,

"Do you have a baby-sitter who knows the martial arts?"

The lady from the agency asks, "Is your child that rough?"

The woman answers, "The kid's a pussycat.

The sitter will have to know some martial arts later,

when my husband drives her home!"

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~~ I like to aggravate barbers.

When one shows me my finished haircut in the mirror

and asks, "Do you like it?"

I always answer, "No, a little longer in the back!"

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~~ Once a notoriously tough businessman told Mark Twain,

"Before I die I mean to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land.

I will climb Mount Sinai and read the Ten Commandments

aloud at the top."

Disgusted, Twain replied, "I have a better idea.

You could stay at home in Boston and keep them."

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~~ There was a husband and his wife Suzzy, sitting next to a drunk

in a bar.

Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL"

and farts loudly.....

The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks

at the drunk and says, "Excuse me,

you just farted before my Suzzy."

The drunks replies, " I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

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~~ The mother and father had just given their teenage

daughter family-car privileges.

On Saturday night she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get

the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.

At 11:30 AM the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen,

and her father asked her,

"Sweetheart, what time did you get in last night?"

"Not too late, Dad." she replied nervously.

Dead-panned, her father said, "Then, my precious one,

I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper

under the front tire of the car."

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~~ Eight-year-old Anita brought her report card home from school.

Her marks were good... mostly A's and a couple of B's.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom:

"Anita is a smart little girl, but she has one fault......

She talks too much in school."

I have an idea I am going to try,

which I think may break her of the habit."

Anita's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:

"Please let me know if your idea works on Anita because

I would like to try it out on her mother."

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~~ QUESTION for Suzzy.....

How do sport players stay cool in a game?

ANSWER: They stay in front of some fans.

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Todays Thought: All the world's a stage and I missed rehearsal.

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