Good Morning....Peoples of the world......
We are having shorts weather today.......
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Bobbie sent this pic of a Florida sunset........nice...
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Someone is looking for a meal........
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This guy wants to know if someone will open his bottle.....

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This baby is cute.....no??

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I bet #21 is the center.......now how would I know that??

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I'm glad I'm not behind him or her..........Jr.....not in the nest!

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Sleep line...........

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The dentest has stripes.................................

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♥♥♥

~~~ Since the stock market downturn, investment advisers sleep like babies; they wake up every two hours and bawl.

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~~~ "Has the depression affected your business as a door-to-door salesman?"

"I'll say it has. I now find twice as many husbands home as I used to."

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~~~ I went for a night watchman job, and they asked:"What are your qualifications for the job of night watchman?"

"The slightest noise wakes me up."

I didn't get the job...??

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~~~ "My great-grandfather fought with General Lee; my grandfather fought with the British, and my father fought with the Americans."
"Your family can't get along with anybody, can they?"

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~~~ When a teenage girl smiles at a boy, he tries to decide what makes him so sexy.
When a young lady smiles at a man in his fifties, he turns around to see who's the handsome dude behind him.
But when a female of any age smiles at a man of 80, he looks down to see if he's unzipped.

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~~~ The insurance man was explaining the benefits of his policy over those of his competitors. "If you fall from the eighty-fifth story of the Empire State Building, just for argument's sake, and if you hit the ground, we pay you double indemnity.

We pay you $15 a week for as long as you live.

And payments start from the time you leave the window so that you're making money on the way down."

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~~~ Two Irishmen were digging a sewer.

One was six feet five, the other four feet three.

The little one was doing more work than the big one.

One day the foreman stopped by and tried to shame the taller one into greater effort.

"For shame now," he said, pointing to the smaller man.

"He's doing twice the work you are."

"And why not?" asked the six-footer.... "Ain't he closer to it!"

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Todays thought; The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut.

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↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔☺↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔

Good Morning.....Enjoy the warm weather......
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Don't wake MAMA up..........
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Toungue Come.................................................

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Want to buy a cave house?.........................................

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It's for Sale on E-bay..........

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Watch it....buster!

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3 point landing?...........................................

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♥♥♥

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~~~ "There are hundreds of ways of making money, but only one honest way."

"What's that?"

"Aha! I knew you wouldn't know." (must be a politician....)

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~~~"Don't worry, I can stay out late tonight," Pete told his friend Gus.

"My wife's gone for a two-week vacation in the Caribbean."
"Jamaica?" Gus asked.
"No, it was her idea."

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~~~ Sign found in a psychiatrist's office: "The amnesia patients must pay in advance."

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~~~ A man was asked the gas mileage he got on his new car.

He said he thought he got about four miles to the gallon, while his teenage son got the other thirty.

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~~~ A guy is walking up to the doctor's office when a nun comes running out screaming and crying.
The guy walks in and says, "Doc, what's with the nun?"

The doctor says, "Oh, I just told her she's pregnant."
The guy says, "The nun's pregnant?"

The doctor says, "No. But it certainly cured her hiccups."

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~~~ My six-year-old son, Benjamin, jumping off the diving board that first time seemed an insurmountable challenge.

He was too timid to manage it that day.

On the drive home I tried to bolster his courage with a personal confession.

"When I was a little boy," I began, "there was a huge slide in the park beside my house.

The first time I tried it, I was so scared that my father had to rescue me from the top.

But the next time, I slid down, and each time after that, I had more and more fun.

Do you know what I'm saying?" Benjamin nodded with enthusiasm.
At his next lesson, Benjamin approached the board with a new confidence.

He strode purposefully to the end, then stopped.

He tried again, and again pulled up short.

Finally he turned and made a beeline for where I was standing.

"Dad," he asked urgently, "do you know any other stories that might work?"

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~~~ An American tourist was visiting a small village in Ireland when there was a sudden gust of wind which blew his hat off into the middle of a nearby pond.

Walking over to the village idiot, who was sitting beside the pond, the tourist asked "Say, son, how deep is this pond?"

"Oh, only a few inches," replied the idiot.

After taking his shoes off and rolling his trousers up over his knees, the tourist stepped into the pond to retrieve his hat and, within a few seconds, was completely submerged in the water. Swimming out to the middle of the pond he finally reached his hat, and then struggled back to edge.

Climbing out, he turned to the village idiot and screamed, "Hey you, I thought you said that pond was only a few inches deep!"

"Well," shrugged the idiot, "the water only comes half way up that duck over there."

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.Todays thought: Polynesia: memory loss in parrots.

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Good Morning..... gonna be warm today.........
The weather seems to be warming up now....
Daylight savings time starts unday morning..
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Now you know why they call them "The Blue Ridge Mts.
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Cats like flowers....

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This one smelled something he didn't like.....maybe a stink bug.......

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A evil looking beetle......with that long horn.....

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He's getting it.....I've heard of "walking on water" but not running.....

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Got to watch out for Imposters...........

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Another imposter...........

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He's going through alot of trouble just for some seeds......must be hungry....

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♥♥♥

~~~ Ten possible things that could have been said on Noah's Ark:
10. "Did anyone think about bringing a couple of umbrellas?"
9. "Hey, there are more than two flies in here!"
8. "Wasn't someone supposed to put two shovels on board?"
7. "OK, who's the wise-guy who brought the mosquitoes on board?"
6. "Help! I need some Pepto for the elephants, QUICK!"
5. "Don't Make Me Pull This Ark Over And Come Back There!"
4. "No Ham, you cannot eat the Pig!"
3. "And whatever you do, DO NOT pull this plug out."
2. "Nice Doggie!"
1. "Are We There Yet?"

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~~~ I once told my wife she looked sexy with black fingernails.
She then accused me of slamming her hand in the car door on purpose.

that's when the fight started .....

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~~~ Pete, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football game with his grandchildren.

He had just a turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful.
"You Know" he said to his grandson, "it's not easy getting old."

"Don't worry, Grandpa," the kid said cheerily.

"Maybe you'll go into overtime"

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~~~ A student tore into our school office.

"My iPod was stolen!" she cried.

I handed her a form, and she filled it out, answering everything, even those questions intended for the principal. Under "Disposition," she wrote, "I'm really ticked off."

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~~~ A fellow was surprised his sister hadn't been invited to her next- door neighbor's party, but she knew shy.

She explained, "I'm too square for their circle!"

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~~~ When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver.

A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside.

"Step aside, lady," he barked.

"I've taken a course in first-aid!"
The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on theshoulder.

"Pardon me," she said.

"But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here."

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~~~ "How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.

"It was awful," she explains.

"I was walking down the street and there was this terrible accident.

A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car.

His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere.

Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute."

"What did you do?" asks the bartender.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

{sorry Taz.....I had too...}

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Todays thoughts; Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.

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Good Morning....peoples.....Sorry I'm late....
Power supply went out........
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Baby's love chocolate cake.........
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Ground squirrls loves nuts...........

This little guy sez HI !

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Killer Fly...?

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Killer cat......?

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Gangsta Dog..... looks like Tony's dog......
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Is this what you call, running around in circles...?

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I don't know what to say.......? just don't seem right.....

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♥♥♥

~~~ A bar owner locked up his place at 2 AM and went home to sleep.

He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang.

What time do you open up in the morning? he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire.

The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went back to bed.

A few minutes later there was another call and he heard the same voice ask the same question. Listen, the owner shouted, there's no sense in asking me what time I open because I wouldn't let a person in your condition in.

I don't want to get in, the caller interjected........ I want to get out.

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~~~ Gus: "What in your opinion, do you consider the height of stupidity?"
Pete: "How tall are you?"

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~~~ A friend and I were listing all the disgusting foods we like to eat.

I guess I won the contest, because when I told her how much I enjoyed tongue, she shuddered. "Ewww," she said, "Why would you want to taste something that tastes you back?"

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~~~ What do they call 100 John Deeres circling a McDonald's in Iowa? Prom night.

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~~~ A harried man runs into his physician's office.

"Doctor! Doctor! My wife's in labor! But she keeps screaming, ‘Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, can't!'"
"Oh, that's okay," says the doctor.

"She's just having contractions."

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~~~ The 7 MOST SHOPLIFTED ITEMS;
*Pain Relievers..

*Pregnancy tests..

*Disposable razors..

*Film*Baby formula..

*Preparation H..

*Decongestant

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~~~ On a billboard ad for a safe company:"If your stuff is stolen, it's not our vault."

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~~~ SCHOOL COOK: Eat your vegetables.

Green things are good for you.
Amanda: Okay, I'll have some Pistachio Ice Cream.

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Todays thought: "Springtime is the land awakening.

The March winds are the morning yawn."

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Good Morning...Well it's cold this morning, and will be today....
but it's gonna warm up all next week....
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This hairless cat has an "Evil" look.....what do you think..."Bobbie"?
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Cute, but you wannta hope she don't wake up.......

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Ling, the worlds smallest man, with the worlds longest mans shoe....

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Elephant mouse....?

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Messy eater?......

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I bet it's a dog driving in the wind......

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♥♥♥

~~~ Pete's wife says it's time he lost some weight, so she bought him a pedometer.

He has to wear it on his wrist and, with every step he takes, it records the slight vibration and can tell how many miles he has walked in one day.
It's great, Pete sat on the couch all day, watching "loose women".

It says he's walked 12 miles.

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~~~ Tom’s wife wasn’t very attractive, but then he was no oil painting, either.

After the wedding ceremony, Tom asked the pastor how much the cost was.
“Just give me what you think it is worth to have this lady for your wife,” replied the Reverend.
Tom looked at his wife, and handed the pastor $50.
The pastor looked at Tom’s wife and gave him $45 change.

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~~~ The inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed.

The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: "Wash. Biol. Surv."
Until the agency received the this letter from an Arkansas camper:"Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds.

I think it was a crow.

I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you, it was horrible.

"The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.

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~~~ At one time, I worked for a very harsh and unkind boss.

When I was leaving that job, I told him, "You remind me of medicine - thick, bitter and hard to take."

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~~~ A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

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~~~ One day, while working in the galley of the Cape May-Lewes Ferry, the first mate came down for a coffee break dressed in his immaculate uniform.

He stepped out on to the deck for a moment, but returned almost immediately, dripping head to toe with seagull slop.

"I guess that's why they call it the poop deck," laughed the head chef.

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Good Morning.... Chilly weekend.... started snowing last night....
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The yard this morning.....
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I bet this wouldn't be good in the snow........

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Now he loves the snow............

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Yahnnnnnn.....................

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She doesn't want to go outside.......

in the snow........

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That cat scared him.......

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Eat your heart out "Pete".................................
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♥♥♥
~~~ Catholic shampoo
While shopping in a food store, two Nuns happened to pass by the beer section.
One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second Nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she wouldn't feel comfortable about buying it.
The first Nun replied that she could handle that without a problem.
She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look on his face, so the Nun said, 'We use beer for washing our hair....a sort of shampoo if you will.'
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a bag of pretzels and placed them in the bag with the beer.
He then looked the Nun straight in the eye, smiled and said, 'The curlers are on the house.'
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~~~ A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter.
While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a handicap was.
The officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing.
He did - backwards.
A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
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~~~ A cat's dictionary *Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness.
*Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty.
*Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something.
*Human being: Automatic door opener for cats.
*Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines.
*Purrson: A male kitty.
Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing .
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~~~ A fellow salesperson, an animal lover, was suddenly overcome by allergies at one of our company meetings.
Coughing, sniffling, watery eyes...he was a mess.
"If you have such terrible allergies, why do you keep so many pets?" asked a friend.
"Because" -zneeze, cough, hack,- "if I'm going to be sick, I might as well have company."
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~~~ Gus was fishing at Chucks pond,when Pete drove up..........
Pete: How's the fishing around here?
Gus: Fine.
Pete: Then how come you haven't caught anything?
Gus: You asked me about the fishing, not the catching.
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~~~ Warning Label on a cardboard windshield sun shade:"Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place"
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~~~ My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
No one else cares.
Why should you? - Erma Bombeck -
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Good Morning.....Well we got a little dusting of snow....

But we're not bad.....Having a nice weekend?

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Now this thing is HUGE !

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Not a good place for a horse..........

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Now, he's a hamsome fellow.......

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She's gonna get that ball........Milo wouldn't do that would he??

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I do know my cats love to watch these hummers.....

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I really don't care for this.....Leave them natural....

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See how you do it??

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♥♥♥

~~~ I'm not into exercising........

Yesterday Bobbie said, "Let's walk around the block."

I said, "Why? We're already here."

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~~~ "Airports all around the country now are switching from metal detectors to those high-tech scanning machines that show a naked image of your body.

This is raising a lot of privacy concerns, especially among women.

The good news?

Airport security guys now are paying attention 100 percent."

-Jay Leno

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~~~ During a meeting, our bosses held a contest to name a new project.

As members of the management team read through the entries, our CEO picked one out and asked, "Who knows what a phoenix is?"
A junior manager answered, "It's a bird in Harry Potter."

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~~~ Denied membership in an exclusive country club because he was an actor, biblical epic star Victor Mature is reported to have said "Hell, I'm no actor, and I've got thirty movies to prove it!"

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~~~ Pete: Did the mudpack help your wife's appearance?
Gus: It did for a few days, but then it fell off.

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~~~ You Know You Need A New Lawyer When...
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
* He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
* During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
* He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

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~~~ The thing you need to focus on in your 20s is not getting a bad tattoo....

You don't want to be 40 and going, "No dude, it was different back then, everyone loved SpongeBob."

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Todays thought: When I get to where I'm going, will somebody please tell me where I am?

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