Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning... Friends.
Well, today Partly sunny and breezy. Highs in the upper 50s.
Southwest winds 15 to 25 mph with gusts up to 40 mph.
Looks like the acorns will be coming down....
Careful going out side....
They hurt.......
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~ The government have advised people to watch out
that they're not being sold fake 2012 Olympic tickets.
 I think I'll be alright though.
My tickets for the men's wheelchair triple jump seem
genuine enough.

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~  An auditor is checking the books of an airline.
He is puzzled by the excess use of fuel on a Melbourne
to Canberra flight.
He rings up the pilot and asks for an explanation.
"It was late at night'" says the pilot, "Canberra was
covered in fog and I lost my bearings."
"I'm sorry," says the auditor, "but you'll have to bear
the cost yourself."
"The cost of what?" asks the pilot.
"Of the bearings you lost."

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~  A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.
"Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him.
"How do I do that?" he asked.
"Carefully," replied the vet.

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~  "I have good news and bad news," a defense
attorney told his client.
"First the bad news: The blood test came back, and
your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on
the victim's dress."
"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client.
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"

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~  A husband went to buy a birthday gift for his wife.
Some friends had been invited over that night to
celebrate her fortieth, and he wanted to get something
special.
At the store he spotted some cute little music boxes.
One blue one was playing "Happy Birthday."
 Thinking they were all the same, he chose a red one and
had it gift-wrapped.
Later, at dinner, he gave it to his wife and asked her to
open it...
When she lifted the lid, out came the tune to
"The Old Gray Mare, She Ain't What She Used to Be!"
 The divorce will be final in six months..

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~  Two men were drinking at the bar when one
confessed to the other, "I'm really worried about my
wife."
 "Why?" asked his friend.
 "Well, when she read A Tale of Two Cities, we had twins. 
Then she read The Three Musketeers and we had triplets. 
Now she's started reading The Birth of a Nation..."

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~  A government employee sat in his office, and out of
boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing
cabinet.
He poked through the contents and came across an old
brass lamp.
"This will look good on my mantel," he said,
and took it home with him.
While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and,
as usual, granted him three wishes.
"I would like an ice-cold Coke right now."
He gets his Coke and drinks it.
Now that he can think more clearly, he states his
second wish.
"I wish to be on an island with beautiful women,
who find me irresistible."
Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women
eyeing him lustfully.
He tells the genie his third and last wish.
"I wish I'd never have to work again.
Instantly, he was back in his government office.

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~  The wife of a Las Vegas doctor telephoned a local
casino and asked to have her husband paged.
 "Sorry, Madam," came the reply, "but the house does
not make doctor calls."

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~  The Mother Superior was talking about the rising
crime rate with one of her nuns. 
"Sister," she said, "What would you do if you were
accosted by a man?"
"I would lift my habit," the nun replied.
Shocked, the Mother Superior said,
"Then what would you do?" 
"I would tell him to drop his pants," said the nun.
"And why would you do that?" the Mother Superior
demanded. 
"Because I can run faster with my habit up than he
could with his pants down!"

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Pete's Thought of the day:

* Nothing travels faster than the speed of light,
with the possible exception of bad news,
which obeys its own set of laws. - Douglas Adams

Rae's trivia......

If you suffer from pogonophobia you'd best not be
around men with hair on their face.
That's the word to describe a fear of men wearing a
beard.