I have a friend thats running for Congress....He's a good man.......
.
Almost warm enough to go swimming..? I don't think so......
.
How does it feel...Bubba??
.
He looks like he's not a happy camper.......
.
"What big ears you have gramma"....I bet he can hear a pin drop.....
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Reach down and pick one up, they will tear you up......
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6 legged cat.....I an't going there.......
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Playing footsie.........
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At least their working..........
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Well, time for me to scoot outta here......
"Watchy"...want a ride??
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♥♥♥
~~ Money is worth so little now that it's surprising that so many
people spend so much time working for it.
.
~~ I was feeling pretty creaky after hearing the TV reporter say,
"To contact me, go to my Facebook page, follow me on Twitter,
or try me the old-fashioned way, e-mail."
.
~~ What is the most popular hymn at the IRS? "All to Thee"
.
~~ I am a prosecuting attorney in a small town and will admit
to having a few extra pounds on me.
Not long ago, I was questioning a witness in an armed robbery
case.
I asked, "Would you describe the person you saw?"
The witness replied, "He was kind of short and stout."
"You mean short and stout like me?" I asked.
"Oh, no," the witness said. "He wasn't that fat."
.
~~ I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now.
.
~~ My husband and I both look very young for our ages.
In fact, we've hardly aged a day since we first laid eyes on
each other in college...at least, that's what we tell each other.
Our children have a way of bringing us crashing back to earth.
Recently, my husband and I were discussing a man who
was running for public office.
"He's a Vietnam Vet," commented my husband.
"What's that?" queried our young daughter.
Trying to answer the question in terms a four-year-old could
readily grasp, my husband replied, "Well, Honey,
that means that the man fought in a war that happened when
Mommy and Daddy were little."
Our daughter regarded us both thoughtfully for a moment,
then asked "So, was he a Viking?"
.
~~ Biscuits and sermons are improved by shortening.
.
~~ Having avoided the scale for a few years, my husband finally
got up the nerve to climb aboard.
Unable to read the numbers, he got off to grab his eyeglasses
and stepped back on.
"What do you know?" he called out.
"These glasses weigh 50 pounds."
.
~~ Construction signs tell you about road closures immediately
after you pass the exit but before the traffic begins to back up.
.
~~ Just because you're in the left lane and have no room
to speed up or move over doesn't mean that the driver flashing
his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in
your spot.
.
~~ A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law
for Thanksgiving dinner.
As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew,
Martin, helping them bake some cupcakes.
After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Martin to put
the icing on.
When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table.
"The cupcakes look delicious, Martin." his uncle said.
He took a bite and said, "Martin these are so good."
As he finished the cupcake and took another, he again
complimented his little nephew.
"The cupcakes look beautiful, Martin," his uncle said.
"How did you get the icing so neat?"
His nephew replied, "It was easy..... I just licked them."
The uncle turned pale.
He pointed to the plate of cupcakes.
"You licked all of these?"
Martin replied, "Well no.
After a while my tongue got tired, and I got my sister to help."
.
~~ An older client who frequented our veterinary clinic owned
five poodles.
Over the years, she brought her pets to us for routine checkups
and procedures.
She was devoted to the dogs.
As time went on, the dogs aged, and one by one, each of her
beloved pets died.
When the last of her dogs passed away, I expected a grieving
client. Instead, she said: “Well, that is it then.
My friend asked me to marry him five years ago, but he didn’t
like my dogs, so I declined.
Now that they’re gone, I can marry him.”
.
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