We had a good one this year...... my garden didn't do much tho....
.
Carol sent me a picture of her newest picture she's painted...
I think she has talent...... I think it's very good......
.
Not a good place for a ship to be........
.
.
.
How Taliban hide from the Americans.........................
.
.
.
.
.
.
♥♥♥
~~ My grandson asked why I called my wife Hon.
"It's a term of endearment," I explained.
My wife mumbled, "After more than 40 years,
it's a term of endurement."
.
~~ Teacher: What family does 'Shantungosaurus' belong to?
Jimmy: I don't know.......
I don't think any family in our neighborhood owns one.
.
~~ So many of Lassie's fans want to ask,
"Was she allowed on the furniture?"
Of course she was, but then, she was the one who paid for it.
.
~~ In order to pay his nursing school tuition,
a student was working two jobs over the summer,
as a butcher's assistant and as a hospital orderly,
both jobs that required the young man wear a long white coat.One night he was wheeling a woman into surgery,
when she sat up suddenly, looked him in the eye,
and screamed, "God save me! It's the butcher!"
.
~~ A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is
away to paint the toilet seat.
The wife comes home sooner than expected,
sits, and gets the seat stuck to her butt.
She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband
to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat,
and they go.
When they get to the doctors,
the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament.
The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed."
.
~~ A husband is about to leave on a business trip,
"Honey, if my business requires me to stay longer in that town.
I'll send you a card."
"Don't bother dear, I read it already, it's in the pocket of your coat."
.
~~ A man walks into a doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear
and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
.
~~ It's so ridiculous to see a golfer with a 1-foot putt and
everybody is saying "Shhh" and not moving a muscle.
Then we allow nineteen-year-old kids to face a game-deciding
free throw with seventeen thousand people yelling.
.
~~ My wife and I were in the woods searching for some
hard-to- find wild blackberries when I fell over some logs.
In quite a bit of pain, I yelled for my wife, who rushed right over.
With a look of grave concern, she asked, "Did you spill your berries?"
.
~~ Struggling to manage parenthood and a full-time job,
my wife finally reached her breaking point,....
"Sweetie," I consoled her, "you're a great mom, a great wife and
a great teacher.
You can't expect to be great at all three, all the time."
I was proud of how understanding I'd been, until she replied,
"Okay, I won't be a great wife."
.
~~ From Actual Court Records;
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body.
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.Attorney:
And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why
I was doing an autopsy on him!
.
~~ As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to
"make a difference" in the world.
It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable
achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to
take on challenges that would make many of us wither.
Phil is such a person.
"I've often been asked,
'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'?
Well, I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background,
and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch,
and margaritas into urine.
I'm pretty darn good at it, too."
.
.
Todays Thought: "An exaggeration is a truth that has lost its temper.".
"It's a term of endearment," I explained.
My wife mumbled, "After more than 40 years,
it's a term of endurement."
.
~~ Teacher: What family does 'Shantungosaurus' belong to?
Jimmy: I don't know.......
I don't think any family in our neighborhood owns one.
.
~~ So many of Lassie's fans want to ask,
"Was she allowed on the furniture?"
Of course she was, but then, she was the one who paid for it.
.
~~ In order to pay his nursing school tuition,
a student was working two jobs over the summer,
as a butcher's assistant and as a hospital orderly,
both jobs that required the young man wear a long white coat.One night he was wheeling a woman into surgery,
when she sat up suddenly, looked him in the eye,
and screamed, "God save me! It's the butcher!"
.
~~ A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is
away to paint the toilet seat.
The wife comes home sooner than expected,
sits, and gets the seat stuck to her butt.
She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband
to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat,
and they go.
When they get to the doctors,
the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament.
The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but never framed."
.
~~ A husband is about to leave on a business trip,
"Honey, if my business requires me to stay longer in that town.
I'll send you a card."
"Don't bother dear, I read it already, it's in the pocket of your coat."
.
~~ A man walks into a doctor's office.
He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear
and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."
.
~~ It's so ridiculous to see a golfer with a 1-foot putt and
everybody is saying "Shhh" and not moving a muscle.
Then we allow nineteen-year-old kids to face a game-deciding
free throw with seventeen thousand people yelling.
.
~~ My wife and I were in the woods searching for some
hard-to- find wild blackberries when I fell over some logs.
In quite a bit of pain, I yelled for my wife, who rushed right over.
With a look of grave concern, she asked, "Did you spill your berries?"
.
~~ Struggling to manage parenthood and a full-time job,
my wife finally reached her breaking point,....
"Sweetie," I consoled her, "you're a great mom, a great wife and
a great teacher.
You can't expect to be great at all three, all the time."
I was proud of how understanding I'd been, until she replied,
"Okay, I won't be a great wife."
.
~~ From Actual Court Records;
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body.
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.Attorney:
And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why
I was doing an autopsy on him!
.
~~ As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to
"make a difference" in the world.
It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable
achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to
take on challenges that would make many of us wither.
Phil is such a person.
"I've often been asked,
'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'?
Well, I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background,
and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch,
and margaritas into urine.
I'm pretty darn good at it, too."
.
.
Todays Thought: "An exaggeration is a truth that has lost its temper.".
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