Good Morning........world....We're having a HOT week......

I hope yours is good.....

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A tough situation ..............................

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Border patrol??.......................

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Tarantulas Aggressively Baring Their Fangs .........

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Cool Costume ....Harry and Fluffy.....

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Thunderstruck ... lightning hits the CN Tower in Toronto, Canada, during a fierce storm....Image; ap.........

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♥♥♥

~~~ Consider one of the most perplexing questions of our time:
Where do solutions go when a candidate gets elected?

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~~~ While working as a radiological technologist in a hospital emergency room, I took X-rays of a trauma patient.
I brought the films to our radiologist, who studied the multiple fractures of the femurs and pelvis.
"What happened to this patient?" he asked in astonishment.
"He fell out of a tree," I reported.
The radiologist wanted to know what the patient was doing up a tree.
"I'm not sure, but his paperwork states he works for Asplundh TreeExperts.
"Gazing intently at the X-rays, the radiologist blinked and said,...... "Cross out 'experts."

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~~~ Got home after a week on the road and my wife opened her robe to show me she had gotten her right nipple pierced.
"How do you like that?" she asked.
I said "Reminds me of my Grandma`s bathtub drain plug."
I`m still on the couch.......................

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~~~ Gus: If you broke your arm in two places, what would you do?
Pete: I wouldn't go back to those two places, that's for sure.

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~~~ What will fall on the lawn first?
An autumn leaf or a Christmas catalogue?

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~~~ The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." the man said."
And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife." said the man.

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~~~ How does AVON find so many women willing to take orders?

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~~~ It was our new receptionist's very first job, and it showed in the way she dressed, her revealing clothes screamed "college" more than "office."
As diplomatically as he could, our boss sat her down and told her that she would have to dress more appropriately.
"Why?" she asked...... "Are we going out to lunch?"

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~~~ After successfully trying her case, Clarence Darrow was embraced by his lovely client, who thanked him expansively and desired to know, "How can I ever thank you?"
"My dear," replied the lawyer, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money, there has only been one answer to that question."

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~~~ My cousin wanted to marry a man clever enough to make a lot of money but dumb enough to spend it on her.

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~~~ A lawyer was questioning the testimony of a witness to a shooting.
"Did you see the shot fired?"
" No, sir, I only heard it."
"Stand down" said the judge sharply.
"Your testimony is of no value."
The witness turned around in the box to leave, and when his back was turned to the judge he laughed loudly and derisively.
Irate at this exhibition of contempt, the judge called the witness back to the chair and demanded to know how he dared to laugh at the court."
Did you see me laugh, Judge?" asked the witness.
"No, but I heard you," retorted the judge.
"That evidence is not satisfactory, Your Honor, said the witness respectfully.

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~~~ A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!" insisted the man.
"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
I've been trying to do that for years!"
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Todays Thought: Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Good Morning.....everyone.....Well, it's a good week coming up....
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Wow....That's the kind of dog I need..........
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I have no idea why.............. 7 years bad luck!!

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Penguin army.....

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Hanging on to Mama..... I bet you wouldn't touch the baby......

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Motala the elephant stepped on a land mine near the Thai-Burma border in 1999.

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The kitten is saying: "Hey, guys... whats up?

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Don't cuss....Call Gus!......

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Oh, My........

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Seems like a deal.................................

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♥♥♥

~~~ Just wanted to let you know I received my stimulus package yesterday...
It contained watermelon seeds, cornbread mix, and 10 coupons to McDonalds..
The directions were in Spanish.

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~~~ Obama says not to worry about the government health care plan competeing with the independant health care organazations.
"Look at UPS and FEDX, they are doing alright, its the post office thats in trouble."

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~~~ A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day.
Well, said the scout.
Mom had only one dose of castor oil left, so I let my baby brother have it.

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~~~ As Sarah's extended family of twelve gathered around the big table for a holiday feast, her husband Don raised a glass of wine and said, "I'd like to make a toast, everyone," All the guests but Sarah's six-year-old daughter Paige raised their glasses.
Paige announced, "I want some turkey, not toast, please."

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~~~ Michael: It’s hard for my sister to eat.
Bob: Why?
Michael: She can’t bear to stop talking.

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~~~ A Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIORS IN BED.

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~~~ A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session.
After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced.
"OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said.......
Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

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~~~ I decided to buy an outfit for my girlfriend this weekend.
I went to the mall and found a really cool twin set in this one store, but for the life of me I couldn't remember what size she is.
I looked around and luckily saw another customer in the store who was built pretty much like my girlfriend.
So I went up to the person and said, "Excuse me, sir, but what size are you?"

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~~~ I was just settling into a barber's chair when I overheard the elderly man next to me say, "I'm not much for pills, but I am taking Ginkgo-Viagra.
I want to remember what sex was like."

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~~~ Gus was listening Bobbie practice her singing.
He said, I wish you'd sing Christmas carols.
That’s nice of you, Gus, she replied.... Why?
Gus responded, "Because Christmas is five months away."
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Todays Thought: Gardening is a way of showing that you believe in tomorrow.
Also; God blesses my garden, but He doesn't weed it!

Well....A good Sunday Morning to You........
Up and at them....sleepy heads.
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He looks bright eyed and bushy tailed..........
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These just look cute.......

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A dolphin's tail fin is its engine. Without it, dolphins can't swim, jump or dive, so engineers from Bridgestone Tire Company worked to design a new rubber tail for Fuji.

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She can't believe it........

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Friends...........

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Watch it......your getting snow in my coffee........

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Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

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My friend Eno!!

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~~~ "The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over, never weeded a garden."

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~~~ Gus: My brother’s just opened a shop.
Pete: Really? How’s he doing?
Gus: Six months...... He opened it with a crowbar.

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~~~ An applicant was filling out a job application.
When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?"he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

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~~~ I used to be a Stock broker, seriously, I made several of my clients small fortunes.Unfortunatly they started with large fortunes......

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~~~ The ditzy CNA student was instructed to wash her hands.
"Both of them?" she asked.
"No, just do one," replied her instructor.
"I'm curious to see how you'll do it...

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~~~ It is not true that the appendix is useless; it has helped put doctors' kids through college.

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~~~ A doctor drove into San Francisco's Chinatown to his favorite Chinese restaurant.
To his surprise, he found the place closed.
After he had banged on the door, the Chinese proprietor bobbed his head out and said: 'Sorry, we're not open tonight....... Yom Kippur, you know.'"

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~~~ This country might be full of cheap vacation spots; the trouble is that it costs a lot of money to get to them.

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~~~ Wealth is when small efforts produce big results.
Poverty is when big efforts produce small results."

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~~~ Bob is a favorite conductor among commuters on the Long Island Rail Road.
He has great rapport with the regulars, but occasionally runs into a problem rider.
One passenger, for instance, seemed irritated at having to hand over his ticket to be punched. "Where are you going today?" Bob asked, smiling.
"Well, what does the ticket say?" replied the traveler sarcastically.
"Um, it says you're on the wrong train," Bob informed him.
"What am I supposed to do now?" asked the flustered passenger.
Returning the punched card, Bob replied calmly, "Ask the ticket."

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~~~ ya know your too broke, If :
At communion you go back for seconds.
You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
Long distance companies don't call you to switch.
You give blood everyday.. just for the orange juice.
McDonald's is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments.
American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.
You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.
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Todays Thought; "You know you're on a diet when cat food commercials make you hungry."
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Good Morning....friends.. Ready for a great weekend...
Going to be a nice one.......
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Just a wee bit Foggy, this morning...But the cows don't care.......
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Twin koalas are so rare that records show only four sets have ever been born..

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Sea pigs are also known as scotoplanes, a genus of deep-sea holothurians (sea cucumbers).

This sea creature is like a cross between a pig and a slug.

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Rainbow view: The stunning tulip fields of the northern Netherlands.

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A seal pup named Kalli peers out of a basket...

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Mama holding her baby........

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Cool block of cheese...........

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Yep....thats for sure.........

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Oh, yah...we're bad..................

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♥♥♥

~~~ We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!

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~~~ Doctor: I’m sorry to have to tell you that you may have rabies, and it could prove fatal. Patient: Well, doctor, please give me pencil and paper.
Doctor: To make your will?
Patient: No, to make a list of people I want to bite.

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~~~ An old lady gets on a bus and she can't help but notice the size of the stomach on the busdriver as she puts her change in to pay her fare.
She looks shakes her head "tsk tsk tsk" she mutters "
Is there a problem ma'am ?" asks the driver.
She replies " if that stomach was on a woman I'd swear she was nine months pregnant."
The busdriver replies " It was and she is ."

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~~~ The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180.
Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Er... How much for a season pass?"

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~~~ what do you call a girl with one leg longer than the other ?
Eileen........

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~~~ The grieving widow goes to her local newspaper to submit an obituary.
The man behind the counter tells her it will cost $5.per word.
She thinks for a moment and says "Fred's dead."
The man then informs her there is a five word minimum.
She' says "Okay... Fred's dead; Buick for sale"

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~~~ Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter.
First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me.
Second woman: I know........
First one: How do you know?
Second one: My dog told me.

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~~~ Notice: A truckload of Viagra has been hijacked... ....
Police say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.

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~~~ So, I was watching Bobbies cat... playing with a cord hanging from the blinds for about 10 minutes or so, and I started thinking 'jesus, the stupid animal is so damn easily amused'.
And then I realized that I'd been staring at a cat playing with a string for ten minutes.

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~~~ The ancient Romans were unaware of Hong Kong.
Otherwise, today, we would be calling it; HONGUS KONGUS!!!!!

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~~~ A couple goes to an art gallery.
They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves.
The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking.
The wife asks: "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies: "Autumn."

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~~~ To attract men, wear a perfume called; New Car Interior..
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Todays Thought; Young might be beautiful..... But old is comfortable.

Good Morning.... A nice TGIF day......Getting ready for the weekend?
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I think he doesn't like his picture taken.......
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Applauding spectators are treated to a bizarre display as a 30-stone lion leaps on to the horse's back.

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White wedding dresses and old traditions are left behind...
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the Satanic Leaf-Tailed Gecko...

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The Thomas Point Shoal Light, also known as Thomas Point Shoal Light Station, is a historic lighthouse in the Chesapeake Bay on the east coast of the United States.

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The Perfect Pet..

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Orange County Choppers, known for building machines as brutish as they are loud, has produced this paradoxical bike touted as the “first custom electric American chopper.”

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China discovered the first double-headed cobra..

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Oh..Oh.........gonna need another roll......

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♥♥♥

~~~ My friend has a $10,000 wristwatch.
If I had that kind of money, I wouldn't buy a watch.
I'd strap a wad of bills to my wrist and when I wanted to know the time, I'd peel off a bill and pay a stranger to tell me.

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~~~ My parents told me, "Finish your dinner.
People in China and India are starving."
I tell my daughters, "Finish your homework.
People in India and China are starving for your job."

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~~~ In the examination of a case for assault and battery, counsel, on cross-examining one of the witnesses, asked him what they had at the first place they stopped?
He answered:“Four glasses of ale.”
“What next?”
“Two glasses of wine.”
“What next?”
“One glass of brandy.”
“What next?”
“A fight, of course.”

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~~~ A friend said: One day I wore a pair of earrings shaped like feet to the kindergarten class where I am a teacher's assistant.
As I worked with one young boy, he reached up and touched an earring.
I asked what he was doing.
Looking at me, he said................ “I'm tickling your feet.”

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~~~ I was about to tell my summer school class a story about the creation of totem poles.
To start, I asked if anyone knew what a totem pole was.
One boy, brimming with confidence, waved his hand and declared, "It's a frog before it has arms and legs."

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~~~ After a long day at the museum, my children described what they liked best.
“Dinosaurs!” one shouted.
“Animals!” another cried.
My youngest boy said, "My favorite part is when I smelled French fries in the hallway."

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~~~ Audrey, my 16-year-old daughter, often babysits eight-year-old Steven, who lives directly across from us.
When Audrey started going out with Joseph, our next-door neighbor, they'd spend hours sitting on our front steps talking.
One day Steve was doing his homework at a desk in front of a bay window looking out at our house.
After glaring out the window for a while, he finally slammed his books shut.
"I can't work here," he told his mom.
"They're in love over there."

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~~~ A city official decided to get all unlicensed dogs off the streets.
When a policeman spots a big mutt riding in the front seat with its owner, he signals the driver to pull over.
When the driver asks why she's been stopped, the officer points to the big dog sitting beside her.
“Does your dog have a license?” he asks.
“Oh, no,” the woman says, “he doesn’t need one....... I always do the driving.”
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Todays Thought: A soft word does not scratch the tongue.
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Good Morning.....peoples.....And "Witchy"......
Pete How can I be late when I have no deadline?
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With the waning of August and the approach of cooler fall breezes, the time is right to fly a kite! Whether you prefer the swoops and dives of “stunt” kites, or the peaceful, serene floating of the classic box kite, you’ll find kite flying to be a relaxing way to spend quality time with family and friends......... It’s a good idea, however, to weigh more than six pounds.
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View of Big Rig Jig at Burning Man 2007
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Peek-a-boo I see you.......... "Hey Mom, what is that?"

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I can't add a thing........

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The pole must have been speeding......and ran right in to that car.

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Cute Baby????

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He's keeping cool..................

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Beauty only a mother could see.........he's cool.....

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Poor Eno......I have a friend that act's just like Eno....

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♥♥♥

~~~ One day there was a priest sitting in a pew with a very worried and nervous look, like something was really wrong.
Another priest saw him and asked him what was wrong.
"Well" the priest said, "have you ever heard of such a thing as a Freudian Slip?"
"No," said the other priest.
"Well" said the priest, "it's when one slips and says something one is thinking instead of what they meant to say.
It usually occurs at the least opportune time."
"Oh," said the other priest, "so, tell me what happened?"
"Well, today I performed a wedding and you know the part when you say ... I now pronounce you man and wife?".
"Of course" was the reply.
"Well although that is what I meant to say, what actually came out was,.... "I now sentence you to life."

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~~~ Wife : You tell a man something: it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something ... It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

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~~~ A man walks into...... a dentist's office, and says.... "Help, I think I'm a moth".
The dentist says, "No, I'm a dentist, you need a psychologist".
The man says, "I know you're a dentist".
To which the dentist asks, "Then why did you come to me"
The man replies, "Because the light was on"!!

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~~~ The timid young man began : “ Mr. Jones, er, ah, what I mean is….”
“Why yes, you may marry her,” replied Mr. Jones
“Who?”
“My daughter........... Isn’t that what you were asking?”
“N n no. I wanted to borrow $5,000.”
“Never! I hardly know you!”

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~~~ A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out-do anyone in a feat of strength.
He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.
After several minutes, the older worker had enough.
'Why don't you put your money where your mouth is,' he said.
'I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back.'
'You're on, old man,' the braggart replied........ 'Let's see you do it.'
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.
Then, nodding to the young man, he said, 'All right, Dummy, get in.'
Never mess with old people.......

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~~~ Driving on the interstate, I saw a vehicle with the license plate ALT F7.
I checked my computer at home, and as I suspected, it was a WordPerfect command.
The truck had to belong to a plumber.
Who else would choose the command "Flush Right"?

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~~~ FATHER: "You should never hit a man when he's down."
SON: "Yeah, he might get up."
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~~~ Jim and Linda were playing golf when a bird flew overhead.
"Look at that duck," Jim said.
"That's not a duck," said Linda.
"That's a goose."
"Duck!""Goose!"
And so the argument went.
A golfer behind them, playing the hole, yelled, "Fore!" and hit the ball.
Jim saw the ball coming and shouted, "Duck!"
Linda shouted back, "Goose!" ......B-O-I-N-G!

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~~~ A restaurant posts a sign that says "$500 if we fail to fill your order.
A customer decides to put it to the test by ordering "elephant ears on rye.
The waitress writes down his order and walks to the kitchen.
Seconds later, the chef storms out of the kitchen, goes to the customer's table, and slams down five hundred-dollar bills.
"You got me," he tells the customer.
"But I want you to know that this is the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread."

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~~~ After a severe storm walloped Kentucky, our utility company sent us to the hardest-hit area to get power restored.
I was picking up fallen wires when a car horn blared at me.
"Hey!" I yelled at the driver.
"Didn't you see all those red flags, signs, and barriers back there?"
"Oh yes," he replied....... "I got by them all right.
It's your truck that's in the way now."

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~~~ When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop, where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candour, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly.
"We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."

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~~~ One morning I found a beautiful long-stemmed rose lying by the kitchen sink.
Even though the flower was plastic, I was thinking how, after all the years we had been married, my husband could still make such a wonderful romantic gesture.
Then I noticed a love note lying next to it.
"Dear Sue," it read. "Don't touch the rose, I'm using the stem to unclog the drain."

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~~~ After registering for his high school classes, my son burst into the house, filled with excitement.
"Dad," he announced in one breath, "I got all the classes I wanted.
But I have to have my school supplies by tomorrow.
I need a protractor and a compass for geometry, a dictionary for English, a dissecting kit for biology, and a car for driver's ed."
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Todays Thought; After wedding bells, prefer no phone bells. (Charlie Chan)