Down Hummingbird Lane

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After i-messaging back and forth with my wife,
I jokingly commanded Siri to pass along this
message: “You need to get back to work now;
you have a husband to support.”
Here’s what Siri sent: “You need to get back to
work now; you have a has-been to support.”

 

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Chuck Norris runs on the treadmill until it
gets tired.

 

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What do you get when you send a cow to
Alaska?
Cold cream!

 

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One day two blind men started fighting.
Pretty soon a crowd surrounded them.
Then one of the members of the crowd yelled
out "I bet 10 bucks on the one with the knife."
Both men ran away.

 

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"Do you want to play doctors and nurses?"
*flirty giggle* "ok..."
"I'm a specialist.
The earliest I can see you is May next year"

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Mother and daughter are walking out of church.
and Mom says, "Well, that was a lousy sermon."
Daughter replies, "Well Mama, what did you
expect for a quarter?"

 

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Hubby - You always carry my photo in your
handbag to the office.... Why?
Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how
impossible, I look at your picture and the
problem disappears.
Hubby - You see, how miraculous and powerful
I am for you?
Wife - Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,
"What other problem can there be greater than
this one?"

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Dating is putting on fancy clothes so hopefully
you can take them off later.

 

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Doctor says to their patient, "I'm not sure how
to treat your condition.
You have perfect health."

 

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If you accidentally drop a roll of toilet paper
while sitting down, it will roll approximately 65
feet away from you.

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