••
♥
My favorite part about Black Friday is the part
where I go to the mall, find a great parking spot
& sit in my car with the reverse lights on....
where I go to the mall, find a great parking spot
& sit in my car with the reverse lights on....
••
Me: This is a beautiful flower arrangement
Host: That's a salad.
Host: That's a salad.
••
Turkeys are crazy.
They hunch down and freeze in groups,
in grocery store coolers to elude hunters.
Must be a safety in numbers thing.
They hunch down and freeze in groups,
in grocery store coolers to elude hunters.
Must be a safety in numbers thing.
••
Me: Woohoo, I survived Thanksgiving!
I can relax now.
Anxiety: Haha...Christmas.
Me: Woohoo, I survived Thanksgiving!
I can relax now.
Anxiety: Haha...Christmas.
••
[At the first thanksgiving]
Pilgrims: I'm thankful for the land you gave us..
Natives: we didn't give you land?
Pilgrims: *winks at the camera*
Pilgrims: I'm thankful for the land you gave us..
Natives: we didn't give you land?
Pilgrims: *winks at the camera*
••
I'm not apathetic, I prefer emotionally
constipated....
constipated....
••
Starbucks this morning looks like a scene from
"The Walking Dead."
"The Walking Dead."
••
Every once in a while, it's important to show
my kids who's boss.
I do this by pointing to my wife....
my kids who's boss.
I do this by pointing to my wife....
••
Flex sent his photo to a Lonely Hearts Club.
They sent it back and said they weren't that
lonely.
Flex sent his photo to a Lonely Hearts Club.
They sent it back and said they weren't that
lonely.
••
Waits for the worst possible time to tell you
that they have to pee...
~Kids
that they have to pee...
~Kids
••••
