••
♥
What's that brush they keep next to the toilet?
That thing hurts !
••
An Air Force cop is driving around the base.
He sees a car off on the side of the road and
pulls up behind it.
He walk on up and there is a severely drunk
Chief Master Sergeant in the driver's seat.
The cop asks "What's up Chief"
"Got a damn flat tire"
"I can see that Chief, how did that happen?"
"Ran over a damn coke bottle"
"Well, Chief, can you think of any reason you
didn't see that bottle?"
"Nah, Little bastard must have had it hidden
under his jacket"
He sees a car off on the side of the road and
pulls up behind it.
He walk on up and there is a severely drunk
Chief Master Sergeant in the driver's seat.
The cop asks "What's up Chief"
"Got a damn flat tire"
"I can see that Chief, how did that happen?"
"Ran over a damn coke bottle"
"Well, Chief, can you think of any reason you
didn't see that bottle?"
"Nah, Little bastard must have had it hidden
under his jacket"
••
I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing
Clinic but I've never been there....
Clinic but I've never been there....
••
Two husbands, Bill and Doug, were discussing
their married lives.
Although happily married, they admitted that
there were argument sometimes.
Then Bill said, "I've made one great discovery.
I now know how to always have the last word."
"Wow!" said Doug, "How do you manage that?"
"It's easy," replied Bill.
"My last words are always 'Yes, Dear."
their married lives.
Although happily married, they admitted that
there were argument sometimes.
Then Bill said, "I've made one great discovery.
I now know how to always have the last word."
"Wow!" said Doug, "How do you manage that?"
"It's easy," replied Bill.
"My last words are always 'Yes, Dear."
••
In the future when cats rule the world,
the currency will be Cuteness and i will be a
poor and lonely man..
the currency will be Cuteness and i will be a
poor and lonely man..
••
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an
unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers
are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers
are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
••
A General retired after 35 years and realized
a life-long dream of buying a bird-hunting
estate in South Dakota.
He invited an old friend to visit for a week of
pheasant-shooting.
The friend was in awe of the General's new
bird dog, ''Sarge''.
The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the
very best, and the friend offered to buy the dog
at any price.
The General declined, saying that Sarge was
the very best bird dog he had ever owned and
that he wouldn't part with him at any price.
A year later the same friend returned for
another week of hunting and was surprised to
find the General breaking in a new dog.
''What happened to ole ''Sarge?'' he asked.
''Had to shoot him,'' grumbled the General.
''A friend came to hunt with me and couldn't
remember the dog's name.
He kept calling him Colonel.
After that, all that damn dog would do was sit
on his ass and bark.
A General retired after 35 years and realized
a life-long dream of buying a bird-hunting
estate in South Dakota.
He invited an old friend to visit for a week of
pheasant-shooting.
The friend was in awe of the General's new
bird dog, ''Sarge''.
The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the
very best, and the friend offered to buy the dog
at any price.
The General declined, saying that Sarge was
the very best bird dog he had ever owned and
that he wouldn't part with him at any price.
A year later the same friend returned for
another week of hunting and was surprised to
find the General breaking in a new dog.
''What happened to ole ''Sarge?'' he asked.
''Had to shoot him,'' grumbled the General.
''A friend came to hunt with me and couldn't
remember the dog's name.
He kept calling him Colonel.
After that, all that damn dog would do was sit
on his ass and bark.
••
Always look out for Number One.
My dog hasn't been house trained.
My dog hasn't been house trained.
••
Pepsi Genie....
It was a black man.....a hungry, thirsty bum.
He was looking for food in a garbage can,
when suddenly he finds a can of Pepsi.
He opens the can and a magic genie comes out.
"You get three wishes, be very careful and don't
spoil them."
"OK, OK," and without hesitation he says,
"first I want to be white.
Second, I want a lot of girls, naked girls,
beautiful girls sitting on my face!
And third, I want plenty to drink.... lots of water.
Bam, presto...the Magic Genie turned him into.....
a toilet!
It was a black man.....a hungry, thirsty bum.
He was looking for food in a garbage can,
when suddenly he finds a can of Pepsi.
He opens the can and a magic genie comes out.
"You get three wishes, be very careful and don't
spoil them."
"OK, OK," and without hesitation he says,
"first I want to be white.
Second, I want a lot of girls, naked girls,
beautiful girls sitting on my face!
And third, I want plenty to drink.... lots of water.
Bam, presto...the Magic Genie turned him into.....
a toilet!
••
What's white, light and sugary and swings from
trees ?
A meringue-utan.
trees ?
A meringue-utan.
••••
