Down Hummingbird Lane

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Pick up a book, any book. Open to the middle,
and read the first paragraph.
 Make sense?
 Welcome to Twitter.

 

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I accidentally dripped some mustard on my
newborn daughter’s forehead and long story
short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick
the baby.

 

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Bacon causes cancer.
 Canadian bacon apologizes.

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The young suitor was determined to win the
heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite
of her rejection of his proposals a number
of times.
He began what can only be called
"campaigning" and sent her a small token of
his affection to her house every day for a
month.
Soon, the young lady fell in love with the UPS
driver.

 

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How many Iraqis does it take...
to launch a Scud missile?
Two.
One to launch it, one to watch CNN to find
out where it landed.

 

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Don't people with bumper stickers realize...
it takes a t-shirt to change a person's deeply
held beliefs?

 

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Psychiatrist: "Your check was returned
for insufficient funds."
Me: "So how does that make you feel?"

 

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I hate when I'm singing along to the Beatles...
and they mess up the lyrics.

 

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I recently added squats to my workout...
by moving the beer to the bottom shelf of the
fridge.

 

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My roommate wouldn't let me name our wireless
network 'Bill Wi the Science Fi' because he has
no sense of humor.

 

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