Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

 

JUDGE: so you plan to plead insanity?
ME: let me double-check with my counsel...
*moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods*
ME: thats correct your honor.....
 

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You know what else is fun?
Playing dead when your husband receives the
credit card bill...

 

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“When the ornithologist gave his neighbor the
bird he went into flight mode.”

 

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Fe Fi Fo...Fe Fo Fe Fo....
Mike Tyson's phone number...
 

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Piss off the DJ by dancing the Macarena to all
his music.

 

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Anytime someone loses something in the office
HR doesn't ask if anyone's seen it, they just
send out an email that says "Give it back Josh"

 

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[start of interview]
 Me: hi sir nice to meet you ...i go to shake his
hand but spill his coffee everywhere*
 Interviewer: ...welcome to BP..

 

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Fast food places are kinda like prostitutes...
you're paying someone else to do your wife's job.

 

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The trick to living a long time is to reach 100,
because very few people die after that.......

 

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Longevity Study....
Birthdays are good for your health.
Studies have shown that people who have more
birthdays live longer.

 

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Being a man means....
doing what I want
when I want
and not having to answer to.....
Shit.....
She's coming!
to be continued.......

 

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