Down Hummingbird Lane

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A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"Where will you spend eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking?"

 

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The biggest lie ever told ....
I have read the terms and agree.

 

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Me: This "Fear the Walking Dead" show is really creepy.
 Wife: This is the Video Music Awards.

 

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I'm more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles..

 

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Bruce / Cait Jenner keeps saying that he/she/it is:
"a woman trapped in a man's body"
But here is a man that was married and has a bunch of
children.
That pretty much tells me he likes women just fine.
So, would that make him "a lesbian trapped in a man's
body?"

 

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shipwreck diary]
Day 32: a plane flew over last night but I fired the only flare
on day 5 to celebrate my first solid shit in over a week....

 

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A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of
kittens.
On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother,
'There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens.'
'How did you know?' his mother asked.
'Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,' he replied.
'I think it's printed on the bottom.'

 

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My wife's leaving me because I'm too controlling.
It's OK though, I'm not letting her.

 

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I may not be able to walk the walk... or talk the talk,
but if you need someone to drink the drink…I’m your man.

 

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My wife's so lazy, our smoke alarm has a snooze button.

 

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My neighbor and I are really close.
 We call each other things like bro, man, dude, boss...
We don't know each other's name.

 

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