••
♥
What blood type is he?"
Nurse: "B positive."
Doctor: "Okay. I don't think this patient is dying."
••
If your rice accidentally gets wet, you can dry it out overnight
by placing it in a bowl of cellphones.
••
You know whats fun?
You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 Just Because cards.
They can't even ask you why you did it.
••
16,875,547,322 traffic-related bug deaths so far this year....
••
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes it as a personal insult.
••
A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where
everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in
the sun.
He arrives and plays a round of golf.
It cost him a buck.
When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another
buck.
His room is only a buck a day!
The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a
last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve
of three balls to his room.
When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill
and sees:
Golf: $1.00
Dinner: $1.00
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00
He asks the Manager, "What is this all about?
Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged
me three thousand for three golf balls?"
"I'm sorry, sir, said the manager, but you didn't read the fine
print in our promotional brochure.
That's what our golf balls cost."
"Well, said the man, If I wanted to spend that kind of money,
I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid
them a thousand dollars a day for a room.
At least I would've known what I was paying for!"
"That's right, sir, you could have, said the manager.
Over there they get you by the room.
Over here we get you by the balls!"
••
Spice Girls really missed out when they wouldn't let that girl
Pumpkin be in the group....
••
Q: What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers
chewed up by the new puppy?A: "I must throw that doggie out the window!"
••
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her
minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a dreadful fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as
bad as you think.
Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna.
"But what am I going to do with the body?"
••
Q: What is a dog's favorite sport?
A: Formula 1 drooling!
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