Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

I'm sorry I ran over your dog, but in my defense,
I was texting.
You're being awfully judgemental for someone
who can't even see.

 

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Disappointing to learn "4 star hotel" in
New Jersey means 4 porn stars have
stayed there.

 

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People always demand to know who farted,
as if they'll decide how disgusted to be based
on who's responsible.

 

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The world has gotten so politically correct that
I don't know what is appropriate to throw at a
crying baby in a restaurant anymore....

 

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Signs you're drinking too much coffee:
You send Christmas cards to Juan Valdez.

 

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Why don't cannibals eat divorced women?
Cause they're bitter!

 

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[job interview]
"So do you have any questions you'd like to ask me?"
Can I wait a week until I take the drug test?

 

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A mother and her young son returned from the grocery
store and began putting away the groceries.
The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread
them all over the table.
'What are you doing?' his mother asked.
'The box says not to eat them if the seal is broken' the boy
explained...... 'I'm looking for the seal.'

 

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Two mosquitos land on Tiger's collar.
One looks to the other and says "What brings
you to this neck of the Woods?"

 

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Just got a Life Alert bracelet.
Now, if I ever get a life, I'll be alerted immediately.

 

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I appreciate the song "the boys are back in town" because
it answers the age-old question:
are the boys back in town yet?

 

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