••
♥
Chuck Norris can stop mid-sneeze...
with his eyes open.
••
A drunken man was wondering around the parking
lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of
the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. '
What the heck are you doing ?' he asks the drunk.
'I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it.' he replies.
'So how does feeling the roof help you ?' asks the
puzzled manager.
'Well,' replies the drunk earnestly, '
MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!'.
lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of
the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. '
What the heck are you doing ?' he asks the drunk.
'I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it.' he replies.
'So how does feeling the roof help you ?' asks the
puzzled manager.
'Well,' replies the drunk earnestly, '
MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!'.
••
1st man: It is sickening the way my wife keps talking
about her ex husband..
2nd man: Than's nothing, mine keps talking about
her next husband..
about her ex husband..
2nd man: Than's nothing, mine keps talking about
her next husband..
••
It's rather pathetic that the only thing that
consistently works on my car is the
Check Engine light.
consistently works on my car is the
Check Engine light.
••
Answering Machine Message 188....
I just got a car phone.
I'm not here at the moment.
Leave me a message and I'll call you when I'm out.
I just got a car phone.
I'm not here at the moment.
Leave me a message and I'll call you when I'm out.
••
What do you call someone who treats elephant
skin conditions?
A pachydermatologist.
skin conditions?
A pachydermatologist.
••
I was touched when my ex-girlfriend said
she got a tattoo for me,
but it turned out to be a heart with the name
"Occupant."
she got a tattoo for me,
but it turned out to be a heart with the name
"Occupant."
••
Doctor I keep stealing things"
Take these tablets; if that doesn't work get me a flat screen
TV."
Take these tablets; if that doesn't work get me a flat screen
TV."
••
When I was married, my wife used to call me handsome.
As a matter of fact, we are now divorced but she STILL
calls me handsome.
Every time I have some money, she says,
HANDSOME OVER.
As a matter of fact, we are now divorced but she STILL
calls me handsome.
Every time I have some money, she says,
HANDSOME OVER.
••
I would be willing to donate blood to the mosquito
community, if in exchange they would stop biting
me.
community, if in exchange they would stop biting
me.
••
I remember when I was young and dad used
to play "Got Your Nose".
It was far less traumatic than Uncle Carl's game
of "Got Your Weiner".
to play "Got Your Nose".
It was far less traumatic than Uncle Carl's game
of "Got Your Weiner".
••••
