••
♥
Be at war with your vices, at peace with your
neighbors, and let every new year find you a
better man.
--Benjamin Franklin--
••
Only 2 more days until millions of people join
the gym for a week..
••
Can't wait to say "I haven't seen you since last
year!" to everyone I see next week.
I'm a very popular person with thousands of
friends.
••
I made the mistake of watching a single zit
popping video on youtube and now my
recommendations screen is trying to make me
barf.....
••
Croquettes are not female crocodiles.........
••
yo mama so fat...
She got more chins than a Chinese phone book...
••
My doctor said I shouldn't binge drink,
so now I just drink all the time.
••
The year is 2075.
A student asks how World War 3 began.
The teacher responds with "Well, James Franco
and Seth Rogen made a movie..."
••
If you've ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops
you've seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
••
You look so perfect standing there,
In my American Apparel underwear,
But I know now you probably opened the wrong
Christmas present grandma.....
••
yo mama sooo ugly...
When she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks.
••••
