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••
♥
The interview opened in ferguson on xmas.
Since the movie theater had been burned to the
ground.
It was played on four old bedsheets that had
been sewn together, and streched between the
fire gutted auto parts store, and the looted,
burntout remains of the liquor barn.
The movie was so bad that about half way thru
somebody set fire to the bedsheets,
and resparked the riots all over again.
It is rumored that prez obama has dispatched
al sharpton to the scene to further egg on the
rioters.
••
My girlfriend and I were talking about double
standards.
She said that it is unfair how society treats
women.
For instance, if a man sleeps with a different
woman every week, he's considered a legend.
But if a woman sleeps with more than two men
in a year, she's considered a slut.
I digested her statement for a few minutes and
then replied, "If one key fits many locks, it's
considered a Master Key.
However, if one lock can be opened by many keys,
it's not considered to be a very good lock."
She was speechless.
••
Gave my cat a bath yesterday.
He loved it.
I didn't care much for it though.
His fur kept sticking to my tongue.
••
Irish fella went for a job on a building site...
Foreman says can you brew tea?...
He says. Certainly...
Foreman says can you drive a stacker truck?...
He says why how big's the damn tea pot.
••
I work in a busy office, and when a computer
goes down it causes quite an inconvenience.
Recently one of our computers not only crashed,
it made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor.
"This computer has flat-lined," a co-worker called
out with mock horror.
"Does anyone here know how to do
mouse-to-mouse?"
••
Those Mirthful Hindus.....
Ram: Why are you drinking tea with
the straw?
Raju: Because doctor asked me to stay away
from the tea.
••
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs
are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another
dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the
floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to
get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready
to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask,
If I died, would you get another dog??
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the
paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it
without calling you apervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't
get mad. They just think it's interesting..
••
John and Tony were in the bar, pondering over
Tony's problems.
"Andrea and I want to get married," said Tony,
"but we can't find anywhere to live."
"Why don't you live with Andrea's parents?"
suggested John.
"We can't do that," said Tony, "they're living
with their parents!"
••
“I really would put my wife on a pedestal if she
wasn't so afraid of heights.”
••
Sucks to get old...
Don't tweet me... I ain't A bird.
Don't like me on facebook...I ain't there...
Don't Snap Chat me... I don't have A snapper.
Don't MySpace me.
You get into my space, you will see the business
end of my shotgun.
Matter of fact don't e mail me or text me.
If you wanna talk... use your mouth.
Pick up the phone and call.
I'm right here.....
••
It's amazing the little things you learn
everyday.
For example today I learned my 3yo is kind of a
mean drunk.
••
How does a blind person know when their done
wiping ?
••••
