••
♥
During a performance for the high school
talent show at the local theater, a hole was
cracked in the stage floor.
Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged
area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins,
accidentally stepped through the hole up to his
knee.
He apologized to the audience for his
clumsiness.
But a heckler in the back of the theater shouted:
"Don't worry, Freddy!
It's just a stage you're going through!"
••
When I was young, I decided to go to medical
school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to
rearrange the letters of the alphabet -
P N E I S and form the name of an important
human body part which is more useful when
erect.
Those who answered S P I N E are doctors
today, while the rest are on Facebook."
(what lesson did you learn?).
••
The barber was finishing a haircut on a
customer one day and started to apply some
'Aftershave Lotion' around his ears when the
customer yelled, "Don't put that crap on me!
My wife says it smells like a French
Whorehouse!"
Another customer who was waiting replied,
"Hey John, you can put the 'Aftershave Lotion'
on me... My wife has never been in a French
Whorehouse!"
Then the fun began...
••
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
••
"What's up Dave, you look a bit glum?"
I asked my friend earlier.
"I got 'relieved' of my job today without any
pay or my bonuses, just because I had sex with
my secretary," He moaned.
"damn, that's harsh," I replied.
"What should you have got?"
"Consent, apparently."
••
Personally, I don't believe the world owes me a
living, although for the amount I make, an apology
would be nice.
••
A 24-year-old salesman from Hialeah, Fla.,
was killed near Lantana, Fla., in March when
his car smashed into a pole in the median strip
of Interstate 95 in the middle of the afternoon.
Police said that the man was traveling at
80 MPH and, judging by the sales manual that
was found open and clutched to his chest, had
been busy reading.
••
Unless you're the lead dog,
the view never changes.
••
Flex at a job interview: "What are your
strengths?"
"I'm an optimist and a positive thinker."
"Can you give me an example?"
"Yes, when do I start?"
••
A foreign diplomat was sitting beside a very
beautiful blonde who possessed all the social
graces.
During the course of the dinner, he put his
hand under the table and started to feel her
ankle.
She gave him a brilliant smile.
Encouraged, he went a little further and
reached the calf of her leg with the same results.
The lady smiled and he, becoming emboldened
with this encouragement, went above the knees.
Very soon, giving the diplomat a lovely smile
she leaned and whispered in his ear:
"When you get far enough to discover that I'm
a man, don't change the expression on your
face -- I'm Secret Agent No. 13."
••
Adam and Dana were onbserving their new
born baby boy.
"Look at the size of his thing, he sure is BIG!"
said Adam.
Dana said to him in a consoling voice,
"Yes sweetheart, but he does have your eyes."
••••
