••
♥
Best Political Ad Ever:
I'm a rich guy who's not like the other rich guy,
he's a total douche.
* Paid for by my rich guy friends *
••
When a woman says "WHAT did you just say?
I now know enough to say something different.
••
I hope I never have to produce an alibi...
cause eating salsa in bed with my cat every night
would never hold up in court.
••
A minister is preaching the story of Creation,
"Man came first.........." he began.
A woman at the back shouted out,
"Some things never change."
••
Two flowers were swaying gently in the breeze,
when one said "I love you, darling."
"I love you too," answered the second flower.
"I want you so much."
"I want you, too."
"I've got to have you right now!"
"Ooooh, where are those damned bees?"
••
Told my teenagers the next time I take their
electronics away I'd also be responding to all
texts they receive.
They've been well behaved since.
••
A man and a widow go to City Hall to get a
marriage license.
While they are there, the clerk asks the woman
if her previous marriage ended in death or
divorce.
"I didn't know I had a choice," she replies.
••
I love this time of year, where my massive spider
webs and the dead guy in my living room are
"Halloween decorations" again.
••
Sign on a church bulletin board:
You aren't too bad to come in,
You aren't good enough to stay out.
••
Dear God, Can we add "being a grammar nazi"
to the list of sins?
Their annoying.
God: "They're"
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