••
♥
Two fellows were sitting in a coffee shop...
suddenly the Town's Fire Alarm went off .
One jumped up and headed for the door ...
his friend shouted, "Hey, Tom,
I didn't know you were a fireman!"
Tom replied, "I'm not, but my girlfriend's
husband is..."
••
Cats won't give away your position when someone
knocks on the door.
They hide with you, like understanding furry
ninjas.
••
The lawyer pays a visit to his client on death
row, and says to him, "I have some good news
for you."
The client says, "What good news can there
possibly be?
You lost my case, I was convicted of a murder
I did not commit, and I've been sentenced to
die in the electric chair!"
The lawyer says, "Yes, but I got the voltage
reduced."
••
Q: What did the blonde say after reading the
name tag pinned to the front of a chesty waitress?
A: " 'Debbie'..............that's cute.
What did you name the other one?"
••
My parents used to stuff me with candy when I
was a kid.
M&M’s, Jujubes, SweeTarts.
I don’t think they wanted a child; I think they
wanted a piñata.
••
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.
••
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers,
this chicken was somewhere between 7' to 10' tall.
••
Dad: Son do you know why we named you "
Titanic Hitting an Iceberg?"
Titanic Hitting an Iceberg: Because I w–
Dad: BECAUSE YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT...
••
Lord, walk beside me with your arm on my
shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
••••
