••
♥
"You can observe a lot just by watching."
-- Yogi Berra
••
Taco Bell doesn't have a playground because...
its hard to have fun when you might crap your
pants..
••
Our office just got a new conference table.
It sleeps 16.
••
Women dressed head to toe in animal print just
bumped into me, thought I was being attacked
my an obese leopard.
••
If we could get morticians to tie the shoe laces
together the zombie apocalypse would be
hilarious.
••
Apparently, when your boss asks you to get a cake
for a coworker's 60th birthday, 'cake' is not
necessarily code for 'stripper.'
••
Facebook has a link to "Report a Problem"
so I wrote "I'm not very close with my father."
Now we wait I guess.
••
The gal in front of me on this flight didn't enjoy
me stroking her forehead after she reclined into
my lap.
Thought we were having a moment.
••
I remember the first time I saw my girlfriend, her
hair was blowing in the wind, but she was too
proud to run after it.
••
My girlfriend left me for a hindu guy.
Anyway, he'll treat her better - they worship cows.
••
A man pickpocketed me in a R-Ville nightclub
once.
My wallet was in my front pocket.
The bastard got all my paper napkins out of my
back pocket.
••••
