Gonna be a big one....
••
♥
"Too bad the only people who know how to run
the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."
-- George Burns
••
I have a new doctor.
He wanted to check my prostate, but I told him
that I don't do that on the first appointment.
••
Does the 5-second rule still apply in the
Men's bathroom at Target?
I'm pretty commited to this pretzel, if it matters.
••
The NSA ...
The only part of the government that actually
listens.
••
A CL Ad...
Has anyone Lost a flat Orange Cat and some flies
in the parking lot of walmart?
I found them yesterday and wondered if there
is a reward......
••
At a dinner party, one of the guests, an
obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make
clever remarks about everyone and everything.
When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it
up with his fork, held it up and smirked:
‘Is this pig?’
Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly:
‘Which end of the fork are you referring to?’
••
A man looked at the menu at the airport
restaurant, and saw that the sandwiches were
named for planes.
“I’ll have a ‘jumbo jet,’” he said.
When the order arrived, he was disappointed to
see how small his burger was, but he ate it
anyway.
He called his waiter over.
“Was that the ‘jumbo jet?’” he asked.
“Yeah,” the waiter answered.....
“Went pretty fast, didn’t it?”
••
I'm not one to brag about my press exposure,
but yes, it's true what they're saying in my local
paper.
I am selling my couch.
••
Having a gun, lets face it guys,
is a lot like having a penis, I think.
You got to keep it concealed.
And if you wave it in a womans face, chances
are she'll call the cops.
••
'I like big butts and I cannot lie.'
-homeless guy rummaging through an ashtray.
••
If I were a Scooby Doo villain, I'd take the whole
thing to court.
How hard can it be to overturn the testimony of
4 kids who talk to a dog?
••••
