••
♥
"A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience,
loyalty, and the importance of turning around
three times before lying down."
••
After drinking, Men talk unnecessarily,
Become emotional, Drive badly,
Stop thinking, Fight for nothing....
Women can do all these without drinking!
••
Me and the wife stopped at Starbucks recently for
some breakfast.
We got two egg sandwiches, two coffees and two
jelly donuts doughnuts.
I got to the cashier and I said, "I'm sorry, but I
only have a $50 bill"
"That's okay," she said, "just put the doughnuts
back."
••
On our very first day at a new resort, my wife and
I decided to hit the beach.
I went back to the room to get something to drink
and found one of the hotel maids was making up
the bed.
I grabbed my cooler and was on my way back out
when I stopped at the door and asked, "Can we
drink beer on the beach?"
"Sure," the maid replied, "but I have to finish the
rest of the rooms first."
••
"I've often been asked, 'What do you do now that
you're retired?'
Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical
engineering background and one of the things I
enjoy most is converting beer, wine and whiskey
into urine.
It's rewarding, uplifting, satisfying and fulfilling.
I do it every day and I really enjoy it."
••
Drinking alcohol before pregnancy
can cause pregnancy.
••
Cyber sex is not as easy as it looks.
Perhaps I should have picked a less crowded
Starbucks.
••
My birth certificate ......
Is a letter of apology that my dad got from the
condom company…
••
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at
before you take up bird watching.
••
"I have good news and bad news," a defense
attorney told his client.
"First the bad news:
The blood test came back, and your DNA is an
exact match with the sample found on the victim's
dress."
"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client.
"What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"
••••
