••
♥
Autumn is the time of year when all the trees
get leprosy.
••
Architectural Fact All 7-11's have two doors.
One to go in and out of, and one to hang the sign
that says "Please use other door."
••
A clergyman was walking down the street when
he came upon a group of a few boys about 10
years of age, surrounding a dog.
Concerned that the boys were hurting the animal,
he went over and asked them what they were
doing.
One of the boys replied, "This dog is an old
neighborhood stray.
We take him home with us sometimes, but only
one of us can take him home.
So we're having a contest: whichever one of us
tells the biggest lie can take him home today."
Of course, the Reverend was shocked.
"You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling
lies!" he exclaimed.
He then launched into a 10-minute sermon
against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know
it's a sin to lie?" and ending with, "Why, when
I was your age, I never told a lie."
There was complete silence for about a minute.
As the Reverend smiled with satisfaction that
he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy
gave a deep sigh.
"All right," he said, "give him the dog."
••
This yogurt is so cultured, I can only eat it
while listening to Beethoven.
••
My grandad died a few weeks after my
grandma passed away.
At first I thought he died of a broken heart.
It turned out it he couldn't cook.
••
Q. Why don't retirees mind being called
senior citizens?
A. The term comes with a 10% discount.
••
Cop: I see you failed to use your turn signal
back there.
So I pulled an illegal u-turn, broke the speed
limit and forced other drivers off the road with
my flashing strobelights so I could detain you
and extort money from you...to teach you a
lesson about unsafe driving habits.
••
"They say you shouldn't go grocery shopping
when you're hungry.
But I ran out of food like a week ago, and
every day I get hungrier and hungrier."
••
Why are there no Walmarts in Iraq?
Because they're all Targets.
••
Q. When is a retiree's bedtime?
A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the
couch.
••
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked
at me when she handed me the cup.
I've never been more scared of a drink in all of
my life.
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