••
♥
Russian President Vladimir Putin has been
nominated for a Nobel prize in Medicine for
his work on clinical depression.
Apparently he can predict who will commit
suicide next week in one of his prisons by
just picking up his phone.
••
Tech guy says: "When in doubt reboot."
Okay, I've rebooted but i still don't see how my
boots have ANYTHING to do with a computer.
••
Farting when you have diahorrea.
That shows some guts.
••
Old Man: "Are you the young fellow who sold me
this tube yesterday and told me it was toothpaste?"
Clerk: "Yes sir."
Old Man: "Well, I tried for half an hour this
morning and I couldn't get my teeth to stick in."
••
My short-term memory is terrible,
but it's not nearly as bad as my short-term
memory.
••
Why does it take longer to build a blonde
snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
••
Subtle ways of letting someone know their fly is
open…
The cucumber has left the salad.
I can see the gun of Navarone.
Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink
Floyd is hanging out.
You’ve got Windows in your laptop.
Sailor Ned’s trying to take a little shore leave.
Your soldier ain’t so unknown now.
Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and
tend to his bell.
Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr. Johnson…
Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
••
"Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an
excellent place for it."
-- Russel Lynes
••
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have
to look at the word itself: "Mankind".
Basically, it's made up of two separate words -
"mank" and "ind".
What do these words mean?
It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
••
The Heimlich Maneuver.
A get out card allowing you to dry hump anyone
without charges being pressed.
••••
