••
♥
My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm lucky
to have them.
••
“You know why I feel older?
I went to buy sexy underwear and they
automatically gift wrapped it."
--Joan Rivers
••
"A musicologist is a man who can read music but
can't hear it."
-- Sir Thomas Beecham
••
If movies have taught me anything, it's that the
insurance for fruit vendor carts must be
astronomical.
••
One of the 'Strongest Man' events should be
Pulling apart two shopping carts that are stuck
together.
••
There was once a young man who, in his youth,
professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to
write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff
that people will react to on a truly emotional level,
stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in
pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error
messages.....
••
I carry a rolled up yoga mat so people think I'm
fit but really it's just a great way to hold
2 footlong meatball subs.
••
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jupiter!
Jupiter who!
Jupiter fly in my soup!
••
Why is Washington called the District of
"Columbia"?
Because its namesake, Christopher Columbus,
didn’t know where he was going, didn’t know
where he was when he got there, and he did it all
on borrowed money!
••
I love alcohol, man.
Some people call alcohol a drug, too.
Some people say that, Alcohols a drug.
Not me, I call it a vitamin.
Cause whatever your deficiency is, alcohol will
treat it.
••
I once worked as a salesman and was very
independent; I took orders from no one.
••••
