Friday, September 5, 2014

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Nice Hair-do....


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 "It is always the best policy to speak the truth--
unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good 
liar."
       -- Jerome K. Jerome

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Throwing pregnancy tests into the shopping
carts of random couples at Walmart is the only 
silver lining in my day.  

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[spelling bee] 
Your word is "spider" 
Can you use it in a sentence? 
"A spider has eight eyes." 
[kid smiles] 
Spider. S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R ....

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There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of 
when life begins. 
In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered 
viable until it graduates from medical school.

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How do blind people know when they are done 
wiping? 

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One day there was a big lady swimming in the 
ocean by the beach. 
Suddenly, she noticed that she had lost her top. 
She thought that no one would notice if she 
covered herself with her arms and walked 
over to her towel. 
So she went, and nobody seemed to notice her as 
she approached her towel. 
Then a little girl came running up to her and said, 
"Hey, lady!" 
"What?" asked the startled lady. 
"If you're going to drown those puppies, at least 
let me have the one with the cute little brown nose." 

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Someone just caught me 
picking my nose at a stop light. 
Had to just cut my losses and run the red light....

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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. 
The mime next door went nuts! 

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What other business makes money on human 
suffering more then the news ? 
It starts out with ''Good evening'' and then they 
tell you all of the reasons it's not . 

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when you put YouTube, Twitter and Facebook 
together? 
Answer: Youtwitface.

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