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♥
"If we were not all so interested in ourselves,
life would be so uninteresting that none of us
would be able to endure it."
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David Hasselhoff calls his agent and demands,
"I want everyone to call me The Hoff from now on."
His agent replies "Sure! No hassle."
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Saw two jeeps crash into each other today.
There were Dave Matthews Band CD’s everywhere.
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My girlfriend wanted a serious relationship
so we stopped smiling at each other.
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Yo momma so fat her belly button made it to her
house 15 minutes before she did.
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Sorry, science, but religion promised me a place
where I'll get to hang out with Grandma again.
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Sometimes I leave a trail of pizza crumbs around
the house so I can find my way back to the TV.
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"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his
income tax return.
It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale."
-- Arthur C. Clarke
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Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: I don't know, but could you move this along?
I've had too much to drink and I really need to
pee.....
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Harry and Bob, both in their late seventies, met
on High Street one Sunday morning.
Straight away, they started their gossiping and
story telling.
"So, Bob, what's new?" Harry asked.
Bob, looking very worried, replied, "I’m sorry to
have to say that only this morning I had a great
story to tell you, but I've forgotten it already."
Harry replied, "Well, if it's about ‘forgotten stories’,
I have a better one to tell you than that - if only I
could remember it!"
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According to a new study, Americans now
spend 94% of their time indoors.
What do you expect from a culture that goes
inside a gym to use a walking machine?
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