MOM....
••
♥
After talking for about half an hour, a teenage girl
hung up the phone.
"Gee, that was a short one!" her father said.
"You're usually on the phone for hours.
What happened?"
"Wrong number," the girl said.
••
A police officer came up to me and asked...
"Where were you between four and six?"
I said, "Kindergarten."
••
There is Pizza place in R-Ville offers a "stoner pie"
complete with pepperoni, bacon, extra cheese,
mozzarella sticks, and French fries.
••
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had
acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their
names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was
named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone
naming dogs like that?"
HellllOOOooo," answered the blonde.
"They're watch dogs!"
••
“What was the leader of Russia's favourite food?
Czardines!”
••
If you're stuck in the wild,
rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a
pizza.
••
Spent the day removing $550,000,000
worth of stuff from my Amazon shopping cart.
••
Feeling pretty tough lately and thinking about
joining a gang.
Any of you guys need an accountant?
••
A big-shot businessman had to spend a couple of
days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he
bossed them around just like he did his employees.
None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything
to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand
up to him.
She came into his room and announced, "I have
to take your temperature."
After complaining for several minutes, he finally
settled down, crossed his arms and opened his
mouth.
"No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated, "but for this
reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining,
but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear
end.
After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer,
he heard her announce, "I have to get something.
Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back."
She left the door to his room open on her way out.
He cursed under his breath as he heard people
walking past his door, laughing.
After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into
the room.
"What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter,
Doc?" Haven't you ever seen someone having his
temperature taken before?"
After a pause, the doctor confessed with a
suppressed laugh in his voice, "Well, no, I guess
I haven't...... Not with a carnation, anyway!"
••
What do you call a fish with two knees?
A tunee fish!
••
Two men both drag their right feet as they walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other
knowingly, points to his foot and says,
"Vietnam, 1969."
The other points his thumb behind him and says,
"Dog crap, 20 feet back."
••••
