••
♥
I nominate Chris Brown to dump a bucket of
boiling hot water on himself to raise awareness
for domestic violence.
••
A dying grandma tells her grandchild, “I want to
leave you my farm.
That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the
tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and
$24,548,750.45 in cash.”
The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to
become rich says, “Oh grandma, you are SO
generous! I didn’t even know you had a farm.
Where is it?”
With her last breath, Grandma whispered,
“Facebook…”
••
Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing
between Coors, Fosters, Carlsberg & Budweiser.
Men may state their preferences, but will grab
whatever is available....
••
In times like these, it helps to recall that there
have always been times like these.
--Paul Harvey--
••
Gus took a trip to Fargo, ND ...
While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke
to him in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game.
I'll ask you a riddle.
If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink.
If you can't then you buy me one..... OK?"
"that sounds purty good," said Gus..
The Indian said, "My father and mother had one
child.
It wasn't my brother.
It wasn't my sister.
Who was it?"
Gus scratched his head and finally said, "I give up.
Who was it?"
"It was ME," chortled the Indian.
So Gus paid for the drinks.
Back in R-ville he went into a bar and spotted
one of his cronies.
"Buck" he said, "I got a game.
If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink.
If you can't, you have to buy me one.... Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Buck..
"Ok," Gussaid, "my father and mudder had one
child.
It wasn't my brudder.
It wasn't my sister.
Who was it?"
"Search me," said Buck.
"I give up, who was it?"
Gus burst out, "It was some Indian up in Fargo,
North Dakota!"
••
I might consider going to church
if they had a drive-thru.
••
We all love to spend lots of money buying new
clothes but we never realize that the best moments
in life are enjoyed without clothes.
••
In hindsight, I shouldn't have said
'surprise me' when the judge was about to
sentence me.
••
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well
dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit,
flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good
after-shave, presenting a well looked-after image,
walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.
Seated at the bar is an elderly lady, about mid
eighties.
The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her,
orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says,
"So tell me, do I come here often?"
••
