••
♥
I have been doing the ice bucket challenge for a
long time....
The ice finishes after a few drinks.....
••
Years ago someone in California hollered “Gold, ”
and people drove from all directions.....
That’s the way they still drive in California.
••
This bicyclist in front of me sure dresses like
he could be pedaling faster.
••
In an American history discussion group,
the professor was trying to explain how societies
ideal of beauty changes with time.
"For example, he said, "take the 1921 Miss
America.
She stood five feet, one inch tall, weighed 108
pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32.
How do you think she'd do intoday's version of
the contest?"
The class fell silent for a moment.
Then one student piped up, "Not very well."
"Why is that?" Asked the professor.
"For one thing," the student pointed out,
"She'd be about a hundred years old."
••
"You pay more attention to the TV than you do
me!"
"Ma'am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?"
••
A guy took his Great Dane to the vet.
The vet had to operate, opened the dogs stomach
and removed 43 and 1/2 pairs of socks.
I hope the guy went home and apologized to his
washer and dryer when he learned they didn't
eat the socks.
••
Did you hear about the psychic amnesiac?
He knew in advance what he was going to forget.
••
I'm donating the body to science.
I'm getting sick of it taking up space in the freezer.
••
I'm not saying don't trust the internet, but there's
an alarming discrepancy in the number of Ipads
I've won & the number of Ipads I own.
••
Accordion to recent research people don't realize
when words are replaced with musical
instruments.
••
Did you hear about the new restaurant that just
opened up on the moon?
Great food, but no atmosphere.
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