••
♥
"An honest politician is one who,
when he is bought, will stay bought."
••
I burnt 1200 calories yesterday!
Forgot to take the pizza out of the oven...
••
Watching my kids play the Xbox Kinect and it’s
taking me back to when I was a kid and we had
this great game called playing outside.
••
I was at Starbucks this morning and this little
kid in line behind me was WAY too excited about
the last pumpkin muffin visible in the showcase...
so I ordered it!
Bwaaaaaaaahahaha!!!
••
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress
and then plugging it back in??
••
"My vagina is like Newark [New Jersey].
Men know it's there but they don't want to visit."
-- Joan Rivers
••
The word FAT looks like someone took a bite out
of the word EAT .
••
I just dropped my ant farm .
Now my rug looks like the first thirty minutes of
''Saving private Ryan .
••
An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to
the doctors office.
"Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood.
They bark all day and all night, and I cant get a
wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered,
rummaging through a drawer full of sample
medications.
"Here are some new sleeping pills that work like
a dream.
A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the blond answered, "Ill try anything.
Lets give it a shot."
A few weeks later the blond returned, looking
worse than ever.
"Doc, your plan is no good.
I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be",
said the doctor, shaking his head.
"Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered the blond wearily,
"but Im still up all night chasing those dogs and
when I finally catch one its hard getting him to
swallow the pill!"
••
Wife : Honey my stomach is getting bigger.
I think I'm pregnant !
Husband : yea, and I know who’s the father!!!!
Wife : who ?
Husband :McDonalds..
••
Q. Did you hear about the new sushi bar that
caters exclusively to lawyers?
A. It's called, Sosumi.
••••
