••
♥
Why do we buy things we don't need ,
with money we don't have ,
to impress people we don't like .
••
Farting is sometimes like playing russian
roulette with shit.
••
A boy asks his father to explain the differences
among irritation, aggravation, and frustration.
His father picks up the phone and dials a number
at random.
When the phone is answered, he asks,
"Can I speak to Alf, please?"
"No! There's no one called Alf here," says the
person who answered the phone.
His father hangs up. "That's irritation," he says.
He picks up the phone again, dials the same
number, and asks for Alf a second time.
"No-there's no one here called Alf.
Go away.
If you call again I shall telephone the police,"
the person says.
His father hangs up and says, "That's aggravation."
"Then what's frustration?" asks his son.
The father picks up the phone and dials the same
number a third time.
"Hello, this is Alf.
Have I received any phone calls?" he asks casually.
••
"Television enables you to be entertained in your
home by people you wouldn't have in your home."
-- David Frost
••
DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would
care to order dessert.
••
Maybe if we start the 'Read a Book Challenge'
we can raise awareness for stupidity.
••
If Reese Witherspoon doesn't call her poop ,
Reese's Feese's , then she is missing out on the
chance to be awesome .
••
No matter what brand you buy, you'll always end
up with shitty toilet paper.
••
I wanna get rid of this memory foam mattress,
but it knows too much.
♦♦♦♦
