You're in a heap of trouble....
••
♥
I caught my employee sleeping on my office couch today.
I didn't know if I should fire him, or tell him what I did
on it last night.
••
Biologists have discovered they can
stop frogs dying by removing their vocal cords so they
can't croak.
••
Me: So, how was your date?
Friend: I ruined her panties.
Me: Whoa, that's hot!
Friend: No, it's not.
She got food poisoning from my cooking.
••
Why is it when we talk to God we're praying,
but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
••
Some people say I'm a mean person,
but it's not true!
I have the heart of a sweet guy...in a jar on
my desk.
••
The problem with the world are the intelligent
people are full of doubts while the stupid people
are full of confidence.
••
Whenever people write things like @^#$&*!...
I’m never sure how to pronounce it.
••
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult
situations" but then don't show anyone going to a job
they hate, and paying their bills.
••
I'm really good at acting like I'm sorry the
elevator door is closing and you missed it.
••
Yea, music today sucks. But don’t forget that
at one point we all listened to some idiot ask who
let the dogs out for 4 minutes.
••
Saw a Justin Bieber CD taped to a wall.
You better believe I took it, you never know when
you will need a piece of tape.
••••
