Self parking car...?
••
♥
"Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on
money and short on mistakes."
-- Aaron McGruder
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Parents, stop giving your kids these crazy names...
I just found a love letter my son wrote to a girl
named "Steven!"
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Because it's Bring Your Daughter To Work Day, sweetie.
That's why.
What Papa is doing right now is called an "autopsy".
Please stop crying.
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The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
••
I rented this bobcat to help me dig up
my new pool but he won't even hold the shovel.
He's just eating all the neighborhood squirrels.
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It's like the TSA doesn't even care relationships end
because we can't run through the airport and stop
someone from getting on a plane.
••
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only
get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my
friends and make a wish within five minutes.
••
Sometimes I'm right.
Other times my wife is close enough to hear what
I'm saying.
••
The worst part about crapping my pants at work
was having to set the ACCIDENT FREE sign back
to zero days in front of everybody.
••
Do you know how to tell the difference between a
rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer?
They taste different.
••
I don't think 'safe sex' sounds like a very good idea.
I mean, what if you get locked in and forget the
combination.
••
"Baby, I just want everything to be like it was
at the beginning."
"You mean like when we first met?"
"No, before that."
♦♦♦♦
