••
♥
Who is "General Failure" and why is he
reading my hard disk?
••
Stop repeat offenders.
Don't re-elect them!
••
"They say such nice things about people at their
funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm
going to miss mine by just a few days."
-- Garrison Keillor
••
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says,
"Hey, didn't you read the sign?
It says 'No mushrooms!'"
The mushroom replies, "C'mon man, I'm a fungi!"
••
I used to have an open mind
but my brains kept falling out.
••
A missing 3-year-old was found inside a bowling
alley claw game.
After many failed attempts to get him out, police
just settled on the turtle doll.
••
You know you're ugly when it comes to a group
picture and they hand you the camera.
••
I saw a baby with a shirt that said,
"I'm what happened in Vegas"
••
A lethal injection that takes two hours has no
place in a civilized society.
And it shouldn't happen in Arizona either.
••
I put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche
& mentioned it on Face Book, I said, "I can't wait
for the new 911 to arrive!", next thing I know,
40,000 Muslims have added me as a friend!
••
Welcome to Alzheimer's Club.
I see a lot of new faces today.
••••
