••
♥
To impress his date, the young man took her to
a very chick Italian restaurant.
After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the
menu and ordered.
"We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.
"Sorry, sir," said the waiter......
"That"s the owner."
••
A man got 2 wishes from god.
He asked for the best wine and best woman.
Next moment, he had the best wine and
Mother Theresa next to him.
Moral: Be Specific.
••
Woke up screaming this morning.
My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
••
"Say what you will about the Ten Commandments,
you must always come back to the pleasant fact
that there are only ten of them."
-- H. L. Mencken
••
I hate it when people show up at MY house,
knock on MY door, and then ask me why I'm
not wearing pants.
••
A man went to his lawyer and said "I would like
to make a will but I don't know exactly how to
go about it."
The lawyer says "No problem, leave it all to me".
The man looks somewhat upset ...
"Well I knew you were going to take the biggest
slice, but I'd like to leave a little to my children
too!
••
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally
saw me naked.
So did all the other people at the post office.
••
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me,"
then make sure to leave a note to be opened after
you die that says, "pray harder next time."
••
Maybe if we all emailed the constitution
to each other, the NSA will finally read it.
••
Welcome to Alzheimer's Club.
I see a lot of new faces today.
••
Almost called my teacher "mom,"
but I caught myself after "mo" and added an "n."
I had to pretend I was Jamaican for the rest of the year.
••••
