••
♥
"Sure there are dishonest men in local government.
But there are dishonest men in national government
too."
-- Richard M. Nixon
••
The guy who discovered milk...
just what exactly was he doing with that cow?
••
I just found a whip, a mask, and handcuffs
in my mom's bedroom,
I can't believe it, she's a superhero!
••
"Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a
lot of expense and aggravation later in life."
-- Robert Byrne
••
The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat.
It's watching what other people eat.
••
What lies on its back, a hundred feet in the air
a dead centipede.
••
I has a question;
Q: If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which
one would be the prostitute?
A: The one that's labeled "IDAHO"
••
I don't think playing catch with the kid was the problem
so much as the fact that I kept dropping him.
••
Whenever I'm about to get in a bar fight, I give a karate
bow to my opponent in hopes he gets scared and backs
out before I piss myself.
••
The depressing thing about tennis is that no
matter how good I get, I’ll never be as good
as a wall.
••
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity.
••••
