••
♥
Sam had proposed to young Lisa and was being
interviewed by his prospective father-in-law.
"Do you think you are earning enough to support
a family?" the older man asked the suitor.
"Yes, sir," replied Sam, "I am."
"Well," said Lisa's father, "think carefully now.
There are six of us."
••
A blonde is swimming in a river.
A man walks up and asks her, "What are you
doing in there?"
She says, "I'm washing my clothes."
The man asks, "Why don't you use a washing
machine?"
The blonde says, "I tried that, but it was too dizzy.
••
Why can't blondes tell knock knock jokes?
Because, they always leave to answer the door...
••
"In religion and politics, people's beliefs and
convictions are in almost every case gotten at
second hand, and without examination."
-- Mark Twain
••
Curling irons have a warning tag that says...
"For external use only."
Which one of you idiots made this necessary?
••
"Chill before serving" is the best advice I can
think of if you're an angry waitress.
••
An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman
were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign
land, and the leader of the captors said, 'We're
going to line you up in front of a firing squad and
shoot you all in turn.
But first, you each can make a final wish.'The Englishman responds,
'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one
more time to remind me of the auld country,
played by the London All Boys Choir.
With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.'
The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy"
just one more time to remind me of the auld
country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell,
with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.'
The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men Of
Harlech" just one more time to remind me of the
country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice
Choir.'
The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first.'
••
One time, she got me so mad, we got into a fist
fight.
You know how you know when you lost a fight to
your woman?
When the cops come to your house and ask you
do you want to press charges.
That's how you know it didnt go as you planned.
••
Joined a new club called the AA (Athletics
Anonymous).
You phone them whenever you feel like
exercising and they send some-one around to
drink with you until the feeling passes......
••
Why is it...
you can kill a deer and put it on your wall but its
illegal to keep them as a pet?
••••
