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••
♥
"Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can
cure stupidity, and higher education positively
fortifies it."
-- Stephen Vizinczey
••
An old man walks into the tax collector’s office
and sat down and smiled at everyone.
“May I help you?” said the clerk in charge.
“No,” said the old man.....
“I just wanted to meet the people I have been
working for all these years.”
••
Saw a great product advertised -- it was a hearing
aid made to look like a Bluetooth headset.
Its for people who are embarrassed about wearing
a hearing aid but not about wearing a Bluetooth
headset.
••
The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get
up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.
His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks,
"Where are you going?"
He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."
She says, "Why, are you sick?"
He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that
Viagra stuff."
Immediately the wife starts working and
positioning herself to get out of her rocker and
begins to put on her coat.
He says, "Where the hell are you going"?
She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."
He says, "Why, what do you need?"
She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty
old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."
••
My friend asked me, "Why are you getting a
divorce?"
I responded, "My wife wasn't home the entire
night and in the morning she said she spent the
night at her sister's house."
He said, "So?"
And I responded, "She's lying.
I spent the night at her sister's house!"
••
The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time....
--Bertrand Russell--
••
Dear Taco Bell,
Thanks to you guys, I just flushed a 14" log of
what was formally tacos and burritos, though the
resemblance it had to what you originally served
me was uncanny, just watching it struggle to
make it on the first flush gave me more laughs
than this Blog ever has.
Thanks for the laughs, see you for breakfast in
the morning'!!
••
My body is bad at sports: that's the problem.
I say that my body is bad at sports because I think
my brain is good at sports.
I think that my brain understands how a human
being could dribble down a basketball court and
then make a layup.
But then it has to outsource the job to my weird
and feminine limbs.
So when I play basketball, it looks like I just
bought my body and I don't know how it works yet.
••
When I'm on my death bed, I want my last words
to be… "I left one million dollars in the...."
••
Almost went to jail today, was pretty scary!!!!
Those monopoly games can get pretty intense!!
••••
