••
♥
"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all,
you could be missing out on the joke of the
century."
-- Dame Edna Everage
••
Just how hairy was the dude who invented
a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
••
Just overheard a guy say he was buying a
MacBook so he doesn't have to worry about the
Ebola virus.
••
FIRED?.... But I just started!
How could I have known we don't do casual
Fridays here?
Fine.... Direct your own goddamn funerals.
••
It's not the torch she carries for me that has me
worried, it's the gas can in her other hand.
••
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over
had I known you were just going to criticize me.
••
Hey, I'm human. If you cut me do I not bleed?
If you cut me a slice of pizza do I not eat?
••
When a cop pulls you over for a DUI at 2am on
Friday night & tells you to "walk the line,"
it's never good to start singing Johnny Cash songs.
••
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage.
I told him it's sort of like a museum.
You have to be quiet and you can't really touch
anything.
••
I learned something new today..
It seems showing a little cleavage, winking, and slowly
dragging your finger across the palm of a cop's hand as
he takes your license...
Only works for females.
••
You can make up any word you want in
conversation, and if you use it in a dilsationary
way, people rarely question the meaning.
••••
