••
♥
"Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins
you can't imagine the smell."
-- Robert Byrne
••
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better
with age.
She locked me in the cellar.
••
My wife says I know how to push all her buttons.
But I have yet to find the 'Mute' button.
••
My bank sends a text with my balance.
It's a nice feature but I didn't think the LOL was
necessary.
••
I think it's just about time to sit my 9 yr old
down and give her the "Your mom is a psycho
and you're probably gonna end up one too" speech.
••
Man, my 84-year-old neighbor must REALLY like
working on his car.
He's been under there changing the oil for 3 days.
••
At the restaurant I heard a lady say her taco was
too salty.
My wife had to leap over the table and cover my
mouth before I said something.
••
Never tell a joke about midgets.
They can come back to bite you on the ass.
••
You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands.
For instance, if they are around your throat then
she's probably slightly upset.
••
Jesus and Mary will occasionally appear on toast
or pancake, or waffles..... Always breakfast foods.
Why?
Because it's the most important meal.
••
Fifth Law of Applied Terror: If you are given an
open-book exam, you will forget your book.
Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you
will forget where you live.
••••
