••
♥
Tell the cook that this steak still has marks on it
where the jockey was hitting it.
••
Yo momma so dumb when I said, "Drinks on the
house," she got a ladder.
••
Sweetheart, I must say u look seriously sexy in
those stretch marks!
••
Until I know if the bathroom door handle is wet
because someone washed their hands or if they
didn't, my whole day is pretty much ruined.
••
Last night I finally slept with a woman who has
a Coke bottle figure.
Unfortunately, she was a 3 liter.
••
Today I tried to donate blood but......
they had too many questions about where I got it.
There's a hurricane on the way.
They said we should stock up on canned goods.
So I went out and bought a case of beer.
••
Thousands flocked to NJ to see the Virgin Mary
in a tree trunk, but, don't judge them, friends.
When was the last time you saw a virgin in
New Jersey?
••
Rest areas are weird.
The guy in the stall next to me has four feet.
••
Psychiatrists say girls tend to marry men like
their fathers.
That is probably the reason mothers cry at
weddings.
••
A lifelong friend is one you haven't borrowed
money from yet.
••••
