••
♥
"Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy."
••
Obama's Voice Mail.......
"You have reached the office of the President of the
United States.
President Obama is either away from his desk or not
in the Oval Office at this time.
At the tone, please leave your name, your telephone
number, the size of the bailout or earmark that you
are seeking and the aggregate dollar amount of your
campaign donations to date."
Beep!
••
Bill Clinton, Joe Biden and Barack Obama go into a
bar.
Bill tells the barkeeper, "I'll have a B and C." Obama
whispers, "What is a B and C?"
"That's a bourbon and Coke," Clinton answers.
Then Biden orders, "I'll have a G and T." Obama
again whispers, "What's a G and T?"
"A gin and tonic," Joe replies.
Obama wants to seem like he's one of the guys so he
tells the barkeeper, "I'll have a 15."
Now it's the bartender's turn to ask, "What's a 15?"
Obama says, "A 7 and 7."
••
"I feel bad for Barack Obama.
He's got the Benghazi scandal, the IRS scandal, and
the VA scandal.
The president is in so much trouble politically, he's
thinking about killing bin Laden again."
••
Girlfriend mentioned she was lacking iron in her diet.
I gave her all my wrinkled shirts.
And that's how the fight started.
••
On a Chicago man who set a record for riding a ferris
wheel: “The only way to go around and around in a
circle that many times is to read the official report on
Benghazi.”
••
When the police arrest a deaf mute,
do they really have to tell him he has the right to
remain silent?
••
We wouldn't really have any national debt in this
country if strippers would just pay their damn income
taxes.
••
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet.
For those of you not good with math…that’s a
12-pack of 125 calorie beers..... You’re welcome.
••
If you think it is expensive to hire a professional
to do the job, wait until you have hired an
amateur. --Red Adair--
••
I tell my daughter she has no idea how lucky she is.
When I was 12, I had to use a pay phone and walk 10
miles in the snow to get weed.
••
I find that the secret to not being insecure is
to just be better than everybody at everything while
being incredibly good looking.
••
I went on a date with a girl I met on craigslist once.
It didn't work out, but he's one of the nicest guys
I've ever met.
••••
